HI, MY NAME IS MISS USA, AND I'M A COKE HEAD!

I don't think that I'll ever understand "important" people and why they seem to enjoy screwing up a good thing, when the everyday folk like myself can never catch a break. Miss USA, the worst self-esteem contest of the ages seems to turn out the most baffling news stories. We had Vanessa Williams posing naked for playboy, who turned out a mediocre vocal career and now we have Tara Connor drugging, screwing, partying and drinking in NYC.

Her country bumpkin ass never saw the bright lights of NYC and got caught up in the nightlife and don't know how to act. Sneaking boys into her Trump Plaza apartment, kissing Miss Teen USA and just acting a pure fool.

So, I wonder if The Donald's going to say "YOU'RE FIRED" or find some other way to give her the boot. How is he going to find his next wife, if you're acting a fool? Did she not realize that her every moved would be monitored? Did she take a drug test before she tried out for Miss USA, and what made her think she wouldn't take subsequent drug tests?

What does Tara have as a plan B? At least 'Nessa had a side hustle, not a good one but she did pretty well for herself. Tara can't marry rich, because Anna Nicole married Jesus' great-grandfather and he just died finally, Donald hasn't finished with his 8th wife and Bill Gates don't want to part from his money if he divorce Melinda.

The best she can do is be a mistress, or a video dancer. She can do her talk show circuit and take her ass back to the bluegrass state and talk about her wild days in the big city. She had it made, for a year she had a place to stay she didn't have to pay for. She had all the "part-time" fame only a good 15 minutes can bring. She didn't really have to work, but get paid waving and smiling. She had it made, and her dumb ass ruined it. She can't follow directions too well, and just ruined it.

Now, I guess she'll be a teller at a bank or maybe she can take up banjo picking. Whatever they do in Kentucky. OOH, I know! She can work at White Castles! Hey, Tara, can you ship some here, because I have a man who loves that crap.

Anyway, start singing Green Acres, cause good bye city life. You idiot!

TIME TO LOSE THE WEIGHT!

This will probably be my last blog before the New Years, so let me try and end this right. I'M FAT! Not, "Oooh, girl you got a body" fat, I mean "Please back away from the plate, put the fork down and walk slowly to the gym and nobody gets hurt" fat!

I'm used to eating my weight in food during the holidays, but oh my goodness gracious I feel like Petuna Pig and this must stop. I put on some; okay so I ATTEMPTED to put on some jeans the other day and let's just say my thighs were border patrol and my jeans tried to sneak into the country. . .they immediately got halted and had to turn around and go back into the closet.

Of course as I'm writing this, I'm planning a New Years party with food! I eat on Thanksgiving, my birthday weekend, Christmas and New Years; so needless to say my hips has spread like SARS and there's not a vaccine in sight!

Did I fail to mention I have a wedding dress to fit into? Well I do, so I have from January 1 to August to get it together. I don't want to be a fat bride, I don't want to be fat period!

So, I'm throwing out all my food and I'll be hitting the No White stuff with Avin and possibly The Make Up Girl. I'm sure that I'll NEED to blog to get my mind off food and so I won't be at home snapping at folk.

I feel like "Weird" Al, and I need to be singing "I'm Fat". I don't wanna be skinny like I need a treatment center, but I don't want to look like Aretha Franklin either. I love food, but I don't need to love it that much.

I'm not an emotional eater, well if it's good then I do get emotional about the deliciousness. However, I don't eat when I'm mad or depressed or when I'm happy; unless I'm celebrating. My eating is an equal opportunity process, but when I do eat around the holidays it's alot of food.

We family hop, my mother's, his parents, grandparents, etc. so we're always eating. Holiday parties at work, my birthday. . .just random plates of food.

I try to do all those "tips" for holiday eating, but that shit don't work. Who in their right mind wants to eat an apple unless it has a flaky crust around it with Cool Whip? I do make sure I get my veggies in, and I drink plenty of water. My plates however look like the leaning tower of Pisa, I'm telling you this madness needs to stop.

So, no bread, no pasta, no rice. More water, more rest, more exercise. Time to break out the healthy cookbooks and work this out and off!

I'll keep you posted.

Billboard Awards

I watched that travesty of a music award show last night and was extremely disappointed. They had random ass talking, and what I think was a 10 second delay, why? Because 7 seconds wasn't long enough, and leave it to the rappers on stage instead of saying "And the nominees are. . .", they start talking about screwing the chicks from "The Girls Next Door", it's really bad when Chingy say "What are we talking about?" We won't discuss Flava Flav!

Gwen please stop singing that damn yodeling song, it's positively dreadful (yes, I got it from Simon). Pharrell needs to be arrested for a noise violation for that mess. I'm glad that Beyonce wasn't rolling around on the floor or singing her nursery rhyme, in fact she wasn't even there. T.I. if you're going to continue to hang out with Tiny from the defunct singing group Xscape, please let her see a dentist, because her grill isn't sexy. Maybe to you, but you're from the south so nevermind.

Mary, as much as I can and do appreciate your music, I have one thing to say. STOP THE FUCKING SCREAMING! It turns into a scream feast everytime she gets a microphone, and it's getting to the point you can tell when it's coming. Geez, the speakers on my tv are on the verge of going out everytime she starts screaming.

Why didn't they have anyone more interesting perform? The only performance of the night was Luda and the gang, and although he's a good rapper (and not bad to look at, hush Avin!) I would have liked to have seen more acts perform. Not just rappers or r&b singers but someone else.

So I'm wondering if they are taking the Billboard awards seriously anymore. Based on last night, I wouldn't either.

IN BABY NEWS

Madonna is at again, she's trying to adopt another baby from Malawi. I'm not sure if I blogged what I felt about the first adoption, but here you go.

Dear Madonna,

I understand that you're again trying to adopt a baby from Malawi, and that now Guy Ritchie has decided to borrow some nuts and put his foot down. Not that you'll listen but it's the effort that counts. I would like you to step away from this one, and just go and raise your other kids.

The Malawi government doesn't want you taking their children back to your castle, leave them alone. Work on your marriage because Guy's not happy right now, between baby snatching and your Kabbalah; it's taking a toll on the poor man. I don't think you want to lose him, remember the last man you had Carlos Leon and where's he now? Playing a drunk on all 42 Law and Orders.

I'm not sure what you're trying to prove by adopting babies from poor countries, unless you're trying to out do Angelina and Brad. Honey, give it up, to be honest they're a more likeable couple than you are alone in your quest to rescue poor babies from African countries. They've already got this thing on lock, so you can't be a copy cat that's not a good look for 2007.

If you really wanna follow their footsteps you would at least have an affair with a handsome male married actor, and pretend to NOT be a couple and then have his baby. At least you'll be villified but since he's cute you can get a pass.

Honestly M, you should just let it go. I mean if you really want to adopt poor black babies, go to Compton or NYC. . shoot go down to Tuscaloosa and get you a baby. At least heed my advice and be your own woman, not Angelina.

Sincerely,

Copy Cat Management

Rosie, SHUT UP!

I'm so glad I'm not at home watching that cow party in the name of The View, and I don't know if Rosie was a better choice than Starr and I personally don't care for either one. That show has gone downhill faster than a coked up movie star and I'm really shocked and appalled that grown ass women act like this. Barbara Walters, I at least thought was more professional and maturer than what I've heard and seen from the clips on the view. Oh, don't make this seem like I'm backing Starr Jones, because I'm not; I could give a damn about her, and she's one of the reasons why the show started its decline to me at least.

Now, Rosie's in her spot and let the hen feast begin. She tried to call Kelly Ripa out on being a homophobe when Clay Aiken put his hand on her mouth. First let me say, unless I've been living under a rock, Clay has not come out the closet so where did she get the "Kelly's homophobic" from if she doesn't or didn't know the man was gay? Now she wants she and her lover to live with Shittney Spears so she can teach the girl some family values. From who? Rosie, I think not, and it's not because she's gay but because she has no sense of reality.

I wish she would try and come in my house and want to "teach me family values" and I'll teach her the value of an ass whooping! The View or ABC need to tighten the reigns on these horses, they sit on stage and want to pass judgment on everyone like their lives are so perfect, and it's just sickening.

What makes it worst, I used to think of Barbara Walters as one of the journalism gods, but now I don't feel that way anymore. She's a pioneer, but I no longer have the same respect for her; she just seem to act as immature as the rest of them. If Oprah or Katie Couric start acting like that, please commit me to the nearest sanitarium.

I can't believe there are housewives/husbands at home watching this cluck party everyday. So glad I'm at work.

American Music Awards

Tonight is the night for awards, performances and a tantrum from Kayne West. American music is being honored tonight, host Jimmy Kimmel will I hope be marginally funny. I think they were better off getting someone else, but I'll give him a try. Of course, I'll watch this show tonight with some trepidation; why you ask? Well because of the following:

Mariah will be naked, Jay and B will AGAIN for the 50-11th time perform together (I think, and pray not), B will roll around on the floor like a Swiffer. I won't understand a word those rock guys are saying, and Jimmy Kimmel is the host. Kayne is nominated but let's see what fly out the jaws of life if he doesn't win.

I would like to ask why in the name of all that's sacred is Keyshia Cole's nominated for anything but hoodrat of the year? I'm not a Beyonce fan, I like her but you won't see me acting a fool over her; but I'm vexed as to why she's not nominated but Keyshia Cole's is. I'm scratching my head off that one!

I would like the awards folk to adopt a few rules:

(1) If you're not there to accept your award, then you can't win. Except in cases of your baby's sick, you're sick or you had a death in the family. Just because you're working on your album or on tour, that's not an excuse.

(2) Only have the artist that is winning the award on stage! We don't need all of their relatives on stage giving shout outs. If you did not actually sing on the album, sit your ass in the audience and be happy you don't have to sit in the overflow room screaming like everyone else.

(3) Give the mic only to the ones who contributed to the record they are performing. I don't want to hear the hype man yelling over the rapper/singer who actually put work into the album and deserve his/her moment to shine.

(4) Stop giving them gift baskets, taxes or no taxes that shit ain't right. They make millions, give the money you would spend on gift baskets to charity or to a music in school program.

(5) Please go over the "thank yous" before they get on stage. Most of them haven't either graduated from high school or have a good grasp of the english language; and since my tv doesn't have subtitles for "what the hell did she just say?", please make sure it's legible and audiable before they talk.

These are just a few things, I wanted to point out. I'll be back tomorrow with a wrap up of the show. Happy Watching!

I'M TIRED OF BEING NICE. . .SAY HELLO TO THE WICKED BITCH OF EAST!

I have tried it for about two years now, and I tell you being nice ain't where it's at anymore. I'm reinventing myself and the bitch all at the same time. And before you get your Hanes in a bunch and start talking about how rap music calls women that all the time and it's yada yada yada, let me tell you know to stop reading my blog and go fuck yourself!

I'll call myself whatever I want, and for the record if you've been reading; you'll know I'm not too fond of today's rap music. Anywho, I'm taking a stand! I'm tired of not being listened to when I'm nicer, and I can no longer take feeling like an idiot because I'm trying to let shit ride and understand how things are going. I'M STARTING A MUTINY ON BEING NICE!

I was trying this out to see how it fits and it fits like a small pair of draws and I'm on my cycle; needless to say you get the point! So, from now on, I'm not taking your shit anymore you hear me? Don't ask me for shit, don't ask me why I can't be approached and don't ask me basically for a damn thing!

No, Mr. Dia didn't dump me, and no I'm not turning into Bridezilla (I think I'd get gone by my bridal party), I'm just fed up and I can't take it no more. Let me sit on my side of the floor and listen to my radio while I work. No, I don't want to go to lunch, and we ain't fucking homies!

You hear me numbnuts? I'm not being nice anymore, satisfied now? Leave me alone and let me be, I think it'll be better if you just not talk to me right now. I'm liable to say some shit I won't regret, but you think I'd ought to.

Oh, stop taking yourself so seriously, you think you smelling roses but it's only your bullshit!

Have a Wonderful Day!

TAKE OFF THE SUNSHADES!

I have been dying for a while now to make a blog about sunglasses, maybe I did and don't remember. Oh well, read again!

I'm walking back from getting my eyebrows done, and it's a gray day outside; what do I see? Someone wearing sunshades like it's a balmy 85 degrees outside! Why does that bother me, you ask? Because sunglasses, sunshades are for that SUN! Don't come to the club in your sunshades on, unless you have Transitions don't wear your shades when it's gray and cloudy outside; please don't think you're that important.

I swear these regular folk can't turn the videos and movies off for nothing, can't be original enough to think of common sense shit like "Oh wow, it's raining outside damn the umbrella let me get my sunglasses!" My future's bright too and that I need to wear shades, but let's be serious are you mocking tv and movies? SAY, "YES, I AM!"

Is that what you aspire to? What's going to happen to your eyesight when you get older and your eyes haven't had proper light?

So anyway I'm done with that, in other news!

TAKE OFF THE DAMN OPEN TOE SHOES!

You get two for one today, it must either be your birthday or I just felt like typing. Well, if it's the latter it's to take my mind off of catching my son's cold. I should ground him until I feel better, but I think that would be bad parenting. Anywho boo, let's talk shoes!

I love shoes, I have shoes I haven't worn yet; but what fries my pickle are open toe shoes between the middle of September until early April. Ladies, ladies, ladies! Let's dish!

Firstly, it's a no no! Secondly, stop looking at the models in clothing magazines, trust and believe that one they're in a studio so wearing OTS is okay to pose in and if they are not they are getting paid big bucks into tricking you to believe that it's okay for your toes to look like frozen vienna sausages!

Your head and feet need to be covered during the cold months because they keep your body insulated! Maybe you're always cold like me, or maybe you have some common sense but I can not fathom the notion of getting all dolled up for an event and buying OTS. Avin's going to an industry thing for her job, and if she came to me and said, "Dia, these shoes are the bomb and they're open toed" I would have drop kicked her ass back to the store so she can take them back!

You can look so cute in a nice holiday outfit with closed-in shoes, you do not need to suffer and make your toes freeze for fashion! Please cover your feet this season!

Dear Kanye,

Why do you insist on making folk not like you? I'm not sure where you're going with the he-bitching you're doing, but it's about time you stop it.

Touch the Sky was a nice video, and I don't give a damn if you had Pam Anderson screwing Anna Nicole on film, there are others out there better than you. I know you can't believe that it's true, but let me set the record straight for you. . .YOU'RE NOT THE GREATEST!

You make some songs that are nice, and I guess you can call College Dropout a nice record; but K-DUB seriously, give it up. Stop acting as if you invented hip hop, because you didn't! You can't honestly believe that you'll win every award, and please don't think or stop thinking that you are obligated to win an award based on who's on the album or in the video. I would rather see Jay and Dale Jr. than you're smarmy ass and Pam's half naked ass on my TV.

Practically after every award show, the news reports of you bitching and whining. Crying like a kid who's trust fund got snatched and they're fucking for dollars! You really need to get a grip, stop taking yourself that seriously. I'm not sure who's gassing your head up, but they need to stop playing with themselves and lying to you! I hope you're not screwing them, because you're getting a raw deal!

Act like a man, be a man or follow someone who is a man and emulate them. Because you are truly acting like you need to be on pre-school playground, whining and shit. "Ms. Thomas, they won't let me win an award" *cue falling out and crying* Dumb ass, can't be humble to save you!

So in the end, I hope that you can find your nuts you keep losing them around award time. All that estrogen isn't good for you, makes you moody and unstable! Some prune juice will help you let the shit go easier and faster than going at it alone!

Have a good day,

D

My First Flight Across Country

Only I would have to travel across the country for the first time for work! Normally, you wouldn't catch me making plan reservations to visit some city with a three hour time difference than where I live now. Where did I have to go? Seattle, Washington!

Now, Seattle's not a bad city actually. I would have liked to seen more of the suburbs and do more than hang around downtown Seattle, but I wasn't there to play. I don't think I'll be going back to visit, but it's still a nice city from what I was able to see.

Let me tell you, you need MONEY to shop there. Not just money, but M-O-N-E-Y to shop there and I'm a shopper, but I was out of my league there. Furla, D&G, Cavalli, etc., you get where I'm going with those names right? Duckets, cash, dolla dolla bill ya'll. . .all that shit!

They have their own Fifth Avenue, for real it's called Fifth Avenue. I've never been on the Fifth Ave in NYC, so going across the country to a Fifth Ave is retarded! I'm no Paris Hilton (money wise, let's not talk about her as a person, 'kay?), so to walk into a Norstrom with a Chanel department made me a tad uncomfortable!

They have a lot of young homeless kids there, more than I've seen here in DC. They are harmless and hang around their cliques, but they do ask for money. Some could be runaways, and others could be on that stuff and got thrown out by their parents. You kind of feel sorry for them, and it makes you grateful for what you have.

IF I SEE ANOTHER DUNGENESS CRAB I'MMA FIGHT! I WANT REAL CRABS! They had no blue crabs, and I was getting pissed! Now, I want some crabs!

Anyway, Seattle's a nice place. Lot's of shops, and I love shopping at stores they don't have a home; same with my food! If you like to travel across the country and never been there, I would recommend it.

Thanks for the hospitality Seattle, I hope you can put my money to use; since I gave you almost all of it!

Here's Your E-Hug, Ben!

I've been feeling so sorry for the NFL's Big Ben, I'm sending him this letter.



Dear Ben,

Your year started out on a high, you won the Super Bowl and went to Disney World. It just seems like now you can't catch a break if you threw it yourself. Your accident, appendix and now concussions; my heart goes out to you. You're such a great player, but I think you fell into that Super Bowl curse.

You need to take a long nap, and regroup. It's not your fault though, but still every report I've heard all year has made me say, "Damn!" In the words of my homey MC Hammer, "Don't give up, never quit. Because, you're too legit to quit!"

If it wasn't for bad luck, you'd have none at all. It can only get better for you, homey. I mean look on the bright side, you could have Whine-O (better known as T.O.) cussing you out on the sidelines!

Here's a hug to you Benny, and hopes for a great 2007!

Dia

ANGRY WAL-MART CUSTOMER

This is my warning for any of you who shop at Wal-Mart. It's been years since I shopped at Wal-Mart because I was very turned off at the way they treat their employees, and the stores that I'd frequent looked like a swap meet meets yard sale. The aisles weren't neat and orderly, or they were too small to squeeze a cart through. You'd have 50 people waiting to be serviced and only three open registers.

I decided to give them another chance, and ordered a bedroom set for my children from them. Also, I didn't want to pay for the set directly with cash, so I used my Bill-Me-Later account (who will get this blog mailed to them and also Wal-Mart) to pay for it later. That was a big mistake, I should have just toughed it out at a more reputable store. I'll discuss UPS' role in this mess (and they will also get this blog as well) at a later date.

I get the bed set in a timely manner which was what initally impressed me, and thought that Wal-Mart were stepping up to improve its customer relations. I've been in customer service for the past 12 years, and so I know what good service is. For me to be impressed with Wal-Mart took a lot, because of my reasons for no longer buying my goods from them. However, it went downhill QUICKLY from the time I got the order.

Let me tell you exactly what I ordered. I ordered two mates beds in Honey Oak and the matching chest of drawers for my two sons' room. The beds also have three drawers underneath which along with the chest, makes for excellent storage space. Plus, it's cooler than your "normal" bed with a headboard. The honey oak color matched perfectly with their pea green wall coloring. So, anyway back to my story.

Me and my fiance, put together the chest just fine. So we open the box to one of the beds, and the color is "Pure White", did I mention pure white in my description? Heck no, I said honey oak. I was upset, but thought both of them were "Pure White". WRONG AGAIN! One was white and one was the correct honey oak color I ordered.

I sighed, discussed it with the mister and we both decided we'd send the wrong bed back and get a the correct order. Both invoices said "Honey Oak" so what moron sent me the wrong bed, I have no damn idea! Yes, I'm getting pissed! So, I call Wal-Mart's customer service number, thinking "Well, they'll send out another one and have UPS come pick up this one." Gotdamn, I'm tired of expecting shit from corporations, because the consumers are always screwed in the end. Ask me if I give a shit if Wal-Mart takes offense to this!

Anywho, UPS calls me Columbus Day, Monday to tell me that they are picking up the item between 8am and 7pm; yeah, the eleven hour window sucks majorly. So we leave the box outside with a note as instructed by the computerized voice UPS called me with. We run our errands, come home and the box is still out there. Well, about 715 that night, I hear the UPS truck coming and I looked out the window. I said to my honey, "UPS is here" since the box is so heavy, he was going to help him carry it out to the truck.

We are looking at this bastard sit out on the truck and roll out, not once did he knock on the door or leave a damn note. So, I leave it out on Tuesday and no one came to get it. I call Wal-Mart and the CSR tells me that UPS attempted to pick it up on Monday, I told him that was bullshit! That UPS driver lied and never attempted to pick it up, he sat his lazy ass on that truck and put that he made an attempt when he know good and hell well he did not!

I would make this short, but since I'm sending this to several people; including some news outlets that would probably love to hear how Wal-Mart yet jerks off another customer, I want to make this very accurate.

I come home Tuesday night and there is that damn box, meanwhile my youngest son is sleeping on a mattress with no bed. I call Wal-Mart, explain the situation and let them know I'm very disgruntled with their services. Of course they don't care, but I needed to get that off my chest. They get in contact with UPS who told them to tell me that they'll make a delivery pick up attempt that night. Well, they didn't. I waited up to 11 that night, before I realized they lied to me again.

Wednesday, I call again. Yes, again I got the run around. Here's our customer service works at my job, just so you can know what I was expecting. If the customer made a mistake and wants to "trade" what they received for what they want and the prices are the same; we'll ask them to ship the order back before they received what they want. If we made the mistake, we'll express to them the correct order WHILE the mistake's in transit.

Wal-Mart told me they have to get the order back before they send out another one, and that's not fair because I'm paying for their mistake. The policy is flawed, because my five year old is sleeping on a mattress and not enjoying the luxury of sleeping in a bed like his older brother. It wouldn't matter which one I gave the bed to, it's still unfair of Wal-Mart to have that scam of a return policy.

Back to Wednesday, again, I get the run around; and I get placed on hold while they talk to UPS. I repeat my story of how that lying ass UPS driver didn't attempt to do shit but get paid, I guess they were making sure I was telling the truth. You think I want some crap I didn't order? "I do apologize for your troubles.. . . " Here's what I want you to do: DON'T TALK ABOUT HOW SORRY YOU ARE, SEND OUT MY RIGHT GOTDAMN BED!

UPS calls me Thursday morning to tell me that someone will be out between 10am and 4pm to pick up the order. Guess what's in the hallway when I get home? THAT PAIN IN THE ASS OF A BOX!!!! I immediately get on the phone with Wal-Mart and this time I'm talking to a manager, no offense to the CSR's but I want some answers NOW!

The manager was polite and put me in conference with UPS, and I told them again my story. The same story for the whole week, I'm frustrated and angry. I'm getting the run around and get some bullshit ass "I apologize". The manager tells me that once the box is scanned they'll send out another bed and they won't wait for it to get back. Which is a damn lie because I called Wal-Mart just now and the CSR told me that they have to wait until the package is scanned into WAL-MART's system before I get my correct order.

They lied to me and I don't appreciate that shit at all. So, back to my original reason for not shopping at Wal-Mart and add this mess to it. I'm being punished for their mistake, they sent me the wrong bed and they're acting as if I'm in the wrong.

Now, a week later, my son is still on a mattress and no bed. That manager lied to me, even if he didn't tell me out right; he still lied by omission and now I'm on a warpath over a bed!

I'm sick of it, I want to pay my bill and never shop there again! I'm telling any and everyone with some clout and without, not to ever shop their again! Their service is absolutely terrible and it's unforgiveable.

Please spend the extra money and shop some where else, because as they roll back the prices they roll back the service as well. You get the service you pay for at Wal-Mart.

I NEED AN ASSISTANT. . .STAT!

If I have another training session, I'm going to lose it. In case you don't know, or care to remember; they gave me a new position at work and I have to be trained on it. That's no problem, but tell me why you block out two hours at a time? Do you really think I'm an idiot? Do you think your job's that involved that I can't grasp the concept of what it is you do? How about a resounding "NO, YOU ASS" on both questions!

So, before Avin and TheMakeUpGirl start sending me death threat IM's "post or else" type shit, I'm busy! Not to mention my job's annual meeting is coming up, so I'll have plenty to post about. I'll try to sneak in the Fall Trends Part 2 post before I leave. If not, I'm sure you all will be okay!

So, I apologize in advance for not posting recently and in the very near future!

Fashion Fall Must Have, Part 1

Hey ladies, the weather outside is getting frightful; and what better way to stay toasty and warm? Okay, besides next to a hunk of a man. . .SHOP! That's right, go shopping and do it proud!

In my first of six installments, I'm giving you the low down on the trends for Fall 2006. I do agree that these trends aren't for everyone, and I'm not a die-hard trend follower but if you are, pay close attention.

The Bubble!

No, not the backside of a woman, it's the newest trend for fall. Not a man in a bubble or bubble guns, this particular style "rounds" out at the waist and then follows a tapered form at the bottom. Not my favorite style trend, but I'm sure one of you would love to wear a bubble.

As you can see in this Badgley Mischka outfit, the skirt is poufy around her waist and it tapers off around her kneecaps at the bottom. They are not just exclusive to skirts, dresses and coats are also bubbled this year.

There are several pros to this type of style: one, you can hide your imperfections especially if you experience your most unsexy moments. If you're working on your shape and isn't that confident yet this could be for you. However the con is, it can make you look a tad bit too wide or heavy and if you do have a sexy body you can't see your shape in this type of style.

Of course, not all bubbles are created equal. Bubbles can be small or large, but please don't wear this!

Dress Gorgeous!

Photos courtesy of Style.com

HER CRAZY ASS IS AT IT AGAIN!

I was reading MSNBC online (which is really good reads if you must know), and that damn 'runaway bride' Jennifer Wilbanks is at it again. In case you don't remember, this is the nutjob that faked her own kidnapping days before her lavish wedding to her fiance John Mason and ended up in New Mexico only to say "oops, I lied". After the whole country was looking for her, feeling sorry for her finace; I know I said, "that's a shame, who would take her before her wedding day? poor guy, I know he's devestated." Only to find out this dumb ass lied!

So, what's the latest you ask? Well, she's suing her former fiance for $500,000. $250,000 as her share of a home Mason purchased through the partnership with proceeds from $500,000 received for selling their story to an agent, plus $250,000 in punitive damages for allegedly abusing the power of attorney she granted for him to handle their financial affairs, according to Atlanta television station WAGA, which reported on the lawsuit Monday night. (courtesy of MSNBC.com)

I wouldn't pay her no mind or half a million, I can't believe a judge is actually going to listen to this case. That man suffered wondering what happen to her, then to find out she didn't want to marry him. To find out your fiance doesn't want to marry you is one thing; but to have it newsworthy is so humilating. If I was John I would tell that broad in the words of my homey Jay-Z: "Tell to take that lawsuit and drop it like it's hawwttttt" and crip walk my ass out of court.

Oprah and Gayle's Big Adventure

I've been watching and actually hooked on the Tuesday installments of O and G's quest across the country. It's been so funny to watch Miss Billion Dollar Oprah, sleep in hotels we wouldn't sleep in or would sleep in. She had no idea how us "real world" folk schlep it everyday.

In case you don't watch O, let me get you up to speed. O and her best pal Gayle decided to drive from her house in California to the Tony's in NYC. She wanted to see the country in a Chevrolet, and so it's O and Gayle in the car, with her staff and camera folk in mini vans behind her. She still gets her work outs in, even though she's eating everything that decadant she can get her hands on. Chris, her trainer, who is decadant himself and I want to get my hands on; is just vetoing all her "guilty food" requests, but she eats them anyway.

The first stop was Vegas, and they couldn't find the way to the hotel registration; for some reason they wanted to check in like us commoners. Oprah doesn't like to ride in the car with music, she likes to be with her thoughts. Umm, Oprah Gayle Winfrey, I love being with my thoughts too; and I often drive to work (40 minutes to and fro) with the radio off, however, I can not drive across the country with no music at all. My thoughts can take a break while I get my Jodeci on.

I have two close homey's in Maryland (I have good friends outside of Maryland and didn't want to exclude them) that love to sing. . .TERRIBLY, I might add. I think the reason me and a certain friend (she know who she is) hasn't taking that trip to Cleveland is because she threatened to belt out a Mariah Carey tune for the whole six hours. My other good girlfriend will actually call me at work, singing HORRIBLY!

Gayle is no Crystal Gayle, and she can't carry a tune in a bucket. Bless her heart, I'm a car singing too so I know how it is when that song gets to you and you're really feeling it. I know Oprah wasn't feeling it, and that made it so damn hilarious. To see them just "surprise" people, by just coming to their house to say, "Hi" is so funny. People just start screaming and carrying on.

I know they're the same folk that sit at home and say, "If I ever met Oprah, I wouldn't be jumping up and down screaming like a fool!" Well, needless to say, they reneged on that promise; they hollered like a church revival on a Thursday night. Honestly, I would do the same thing, just be better at playing it off. Okay, so I'm lying!

Could I go across the country with my friends in a car, for days on end? Possibly. Would I want to find out if I could? Not on your life! I love our friendship too much to do that to them. We couldn't make it passed Ohio without trying to put each other out! O and Gayle, I'm sure was tested on their journey; and their friendship I'm sure survived just fine. I, for one, don't have the patience to do something like that.

It's funny to watch them every Tuesday, like a 4pm sitcom. Thank goodness for TiVo! I'll try to update you next Wednesday what happens next.

Wedding Planning

A lot has changed in the month, almost two since I posted a blog. Well Dia's getting hitched, somebody actually got the net out and caught me. Truth be told, I just got tired of running. So, now the fun begins!

I have two natural sisters (I did pray incessantly to be an only child, but alas it wasn't to be), one is upset that she can't be a Maid of Honor, the other's upset because it's not happening to her. She and her boyfriend has been together about the same amount of time that me and Mr. Dia has been together. So she's needless to say jealous/upset/pissed/whatever about me getting married.

I'm a mother of two boys by two different men (neither one I'm marrying), didn't finish college. I was relegated to the role of family screw up, never would amount to anything; you know shit your folk THINK and sometimes slip up and say. I've been called a slut by my mother before, but that's neither here nor there.

Well, Dia cleaned up her acted and now have someone that wants to marry me (don't cry, he's loony. Avin can tell you, the man can't A-Town stomp worth a damn). So folk are jockeying for position, ATTEMPTING to tell me how to run my shit.

I'll call my jealous sister (before I figured out what her problem was) to tell her about my latest wedding issue and she's like "Well, that's not my problem" and hangs up. The pain in the ass sister told me that if she can't be a maid of honor she's not in my wedding. Fun right? Fucking entertaining!

Well, if you knew me you would know that I don't give a damn. I can't care about other folk issues, just put them at arms length and keep it moving. My PIA sister was like "this isn't your wedding, this is the family wedding." WRONG BITCH, THE FAMILY AIN'T PAYING FOR THIS SHIT!

Sometimes, I want to elope. I don't because it wouldn't be fair, and I want my true homegirls there. The Makeup Girl will be making me even more beautiful than I already am. Avin, WHO SHOULD BE THE MOH has been there keeping me sane; if that's possible.

So, I'm straight! So stay tuned this it going to be like Oprah's and Gayle's Big Adventure and shit.

The Lack of Real Talent In Music!

I really have to consider who my friends are, because someone I thought was a friend sent me this YouTube link that's making me reconsider our friendship. She sent me Cassie's performance on 106 & Park, and I must say it was the worst display of talent I've seen since the coming of Ciara!

Please see for yourself!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXPWhzYk4hc


I've been quiet about the state of the music today, because I'm considered an old head (I'm 30 to be) so what I say really wouldn't have any bearings on this crap they call music.

But after watching this performance, I was truly amazed at what these poor children are listening to. I guess if it's a good beat, then to hell with the vocals and that's a damn shame. This chick Cassie needs to do what she can really do, and that's look pretty. She maybe smart, but she wasn't smart enough to realize she has not a damn ounce of talent.

"Well she may have had stage fright" And before you justify that travesty of a performance with that lame ass excuse, let me tell you that EXCUSES ARE REASONS FOR FAILURE! That performance failed miserably. "Well, if you think you can do better, then sing" I'm too much of a realist to understand I wasn't blessed with the gift of singing joyful noises unto the masses. I know what my limitations are, and I do have folk around me to let me know in the event I lose my mind and try to get a record deal.

We won't even discuss what they are actually SINGING about, because that's for another blog. But when did having a pretty face and body constitute having talent? Granted you don't want a mud duck singing his affections toward you, however, I don't want to hear some obviously cute young lady subject herself to this kind of ridicule by murdering a hit!

Why won't these parents teach these kids what real talent is, let them listen to the music we grew up on. I was listening to MJ this morning singing, "You Wanna Be Startin' Something" and 23 years later, that song still rocks.

Yeah yeah, we come from a different generation and all that bullshit but to hear what I heard on YouTube isn't making this music sound better.

"If you don't like it turn it off" Well, fuck you very much Mr. Music Police! I can do whatever I want, and listen to whatever I want.

I do listen to some young people music, but I listen more now to the music I grew up on. I sing along and enjoy it, and I'm getting my boys to enjoy it. I know they like that shit that's on the radio now, but I want them to know music history before they take this poor excuse for entertainment seriously.

Cassie is better off on a runway, Ciara isn't Janet Jackson, and Beyonce is not and I repeat IS NOT TINA TURNER! B, has talent in a way but she's not TINA. She's Tina KNOWLES in about 10 more years, but not TINA TURNER!

Teach these kids about Chaka, Tina Marie, Tina Turner, Anita. . .the list goes on! The Whispers, damn how about Parliment? Cassie, ain't it! Puff need to stop lying to these heifas!

My New Beauty Addiction!

Avin hipped me onto a product, I've heard about it for while but never tried it. It's called Carol's Daughter!

Now, I've never been a fan of "alternative" products with fruits and berries and shit like that, however, I decided to give it a try. Low and behold I like it, I like it! I haven't been able to use all the products yet, but what I've been able to use has made my hair look and feel the way I've wanted it to for as long as I can remember. It's moisturized without being too greasy, it's bouncy and light not heavy and a burden.

When I got my box, I was still wondering if I was going to like it. I saw you can't return the shit, so I prayed that I would like it. Carol's kid must have known that Glinda's daughter would return shit in a heartbeat if she doesn't like it. Not that I agree with the "No Return" policy, but hey; it's their business not mine.

I used Lisa's Elixir and Hair Balm on my hair and let me tell you; before CD, I would have to part my hair, grease the scalp and the hair then curl. The process would weigh my hair down and it was very time consuming. When I put the CD in my hair; a little bit of each in my hair (a little goes a long way, please believe that!) and I didn't have to add anything else, just curled my hair and it was done!

My hair was so soft and silky feeling, I loved it. You can put it in your hair every night (a little drop, and it doesn't matter if you skip a night) before you go to bed, it's not heavy and it doesn't weigh your hair down.

I never talk about any products, but this is a must. I don't think this is for everyone, but if you want my opinion. . .PLEASE TRY IT! You can get the smaller bottles to try before you spend money on the bigger bottles and don't like it.

I also bought some cleanser for my face. I went the Bella Sante spa in Boston and the esthetician told me my face was very dehydrated, so I went to Carol's Daughter and got some products to clean my face. I used Ylang-Ylang & Patchouli Gentle Face Wash to clean my face, to tone my face I used Rosemary and Chamomile toner; to moisturize it I used two drops of the Essential Serum. A little bit goes a long way with these products.

I have very sensitive skin, and when I rave about a product; it's pretty damn amazing. I never advertise any product, but because I've been having eczema flair ups like crazy lately, I decided to try it and so far this feels good on my skin and hair.

I have some shampoos and conditioners to use, so I'll probably blog about that when I have to wash my hair.

I really like it, and it's not for everyone so if you don't like it that's fine!

Thanks Avin for getting me hooked on something! You know your shit!

REMY MA IS NOT HIP HOP!

I'm watching Emeril last night, and I really like that show and the themes they have at times. So last night, when they had the hip hop show, I wanted to watch it. When he announced his guests, I was totally disgusted. He had Sunny from Hot 97 in NYC, and REMY FUCKING MA!

Why? Why have these white folk think that hip hop looks like Remy Ma? She looked like a hot mess as usual, and she is not hip hop. Who in the hell invited her to the show? Hip hop? She's hip hop? I think not! Why not get a hip hop veteran or someone that matters?

Was she a cheap alternative? They didn't have to pay her in cash, but in colored weaves? I know Sunny's her homey; by the way Sunny can cook her ass off, but I digress. However, Sunny didn't have to invite her to come along! Keep Pepe LePew's third cousin in the house.

I'm glad the Excedrin PM's made me go to sleep, because I would have thrown a shoe at the tv.

Dear Un-Black Americans,

Remy Ma is not how hip hop looks, we don't really know what she looks like outside of the male cousin of RuPaul. Remy Ma is to hip hop what Wendy Williams is to journalism, a fucking travesty.

Thank you,

Hip Hop Management

DOWNTOWN DETROIT!

I went to Michigan to see my girlfriends this weekend, and yes I flew. I was really scared to fly, but I'm always scared to fly. That's a totally different blog all together. So, let me get down to business.

I have a girlfriend in Cleveland and one in the suburbs of Detroit. To make this short, we picked up Cleveland and brought her back with us to the ‘burbs. Miss ‘Burbs, was invited to a 21st birthday party, and it was a club in downtown Detroit.

The three of us are standing in line and “Lil Ron and the Southside Boyz” showed up, and stood behind us in line. We were dressed very lady like, and then I hear “Umm, you have a nice ass.” Now, in any other situation, I would have gotten beside myself and really went off. However, this was downtown Detroit, Michigan, and I really wasn’t in the mood for a shootout.

His half way intelligent homeboy said to him, “You don’t tell her she has a nice ass, you tell her she has nice jeans.” It’s a shame when your friend has to tell you how to talk to a lady, granted he was no smarter, but at least he tried.

I was truly disgusted at the ignorance of the boys in that place. I understand it was a young club, but it was just way too much going on. I’ve never been so disrespected in a public outing, they didn’t touch me but still. Let me go on, it’s turning my breakfast just thinking about it.

So, I finally made it through the gauntlet of boys in that club to sit at the “party” table. This one guy, who was about as high as he was drunk comes to the table. He stands in front of me and say “I need you.” Yes, he actually came to a woman and said, “I need you.” What did you need me to do? Perform a breatalizer test on you? Did you need me to get you a cup so you can pee and we’ll all know what you’ve been smoking? What did you need me to do?

He asked me if he can call me, I said, “No.” This bama actually asked me why, now I have two boys. Granted he didn’t know that, so after he asked me “Why not?” I reverted back to my conversation with my baby boy just a few days ago, and replied the same way “Because I said so.” Just like my baby, he walked away upset. And just like the conversation with my baby boy, I didn’t care.

We couldn’t get out that place fast enough, I was pissed I couldn’t do the “Booty call”. We had more fun at Kickers, and that blog will be coming shortly.

Men, please teach these boys some respect for women. Please let them know that “You have a nice ass” is not a pick up line and neither is “I need you” Also, teach them that 301 is not the zip code for Washington, DC. Yes, I did lie about my age, and I don’t think you’ll read this because you don’t know how to type www!

Fashion War: Jeans!

In my part two of the fashion war, I would like to discuss jeans. Jeans come in all kinds of fits now; skinny, bootcut, low rise and curvy. I would like to discuss each fit listed individually.

Skinny Cut

The skinny jean are a slim fit jean, they're not stretched or have elastic in them. They run extra small, and if you get your size and you're not slim they are too small. Even if you are skinny they're still too small. If you want to get skinny jeans, please try them on; and if they no longer look like they're supposed to then you can't buy them.

How to tell they look skinny? If you don't look slim in the jeans, TAKE THEM OFF NOW!!!! Your big ass don't need to wear them, jean isn't stretchable unless they come with some kind of stretch fabric! SKINNY JEANS AREN'T MEANT TO STRETCH! Only size zero to six can wear them, if you're a very slim size zero to six mind you. If are the size of a watermelon, don't try to squeeze into a straw, that's just wrong!

Bootcut

I actually like bootcut jeans, they give me a little bit more room to play with. So, I can't really say anything about boot cut jeans. However, I must say again that you need to get jeans in your size. If you don't know your size, use the nearest dressing room. Grab the size you THINK you are and two sizes up. If they fit you comfortably, meaning you can sit down or do the hookie pokie then they are okay. If you can see your thong, or any part of your ass. . .they are too small, dust yourself off and try again!

Low Rise

WHO IN THE HELL DESIGNED LOW RISE JEANS, AND WHY AREN'T THEY CASTRATED?!!!

I hate low rise jeans, because no one wears them that can wear them. I've only seen models, the ass less and fat girls wear low rise jeans. I've yet come across someone who actually look nice in low rise jeans. Let me break this down further, the low rise wearers need a talking to.

The Ass Less

Apparently the low rise jeans are designed to give a "lift" to the ass less. Well, I don't think the jeans were created by Whodini or David Copperfield. So, if you're expecting have the jean perform an ass magic trick. . .you can forget about it!

I don't care if they low rise or high rise, if you don't have an ass to begin with; jeans won't make one magically appear! Which begs me to ask this question; if a woman (white) thinks that having a big ass means she's fat, then why wear a jean to give you an ass? Isn't that contradictory?

The Fat Girl

Must I say anything? I think so, so here it is. You can not wear low rise jeans and you have more belly than Santa Clause! You should never want to walk around in public with your belly hanging over your belt buckle. You should feel ashamed and embarassed. Why? Because you're not who the jeans are made for!

So before you put your ho ho down and respond, look at your ho ho and your jeans and then think real carefully about what you're going to say. Everything isn't for everyone, if you don't like this post. . .so what! Skinny Jeans and Low Rise jeans aren't for fat people!

Did I hurt your feelings? You hurt mine everytime I see you looking like that! And before you come up with some witty comeback like "If you don't like it don't look" that's like asking me to walk around in the daytime and not see the sun! If you are visible then I'm going to look!

The Jean Model

I know it's your job to show us the jeans and how they are SUPPOSE to fit, however, I would like to ask you if you could put a disclaimer out. Thank you! It could be a simple disclaimer like "Muffin tops need not order or buy".

Last but not least, my favorite jean in the world!

THE CURVY FIT!

I don't know about you, but i love these jeans. I'm a size 4 or 6 (depending on the cut of the jean) and when I got my first pair from Express, I was in love. They fit so nice around my waist and my hinepots!

In case you haven't heard of curvy jeans, let me explain. They are made for women with hips and a backside, they may or may not stretch so I advise trying them on. I only get my jeans from Express, so I tried on the size 6 and they fit so well. My ass was lifted to new heights and i had room for my thighs and my waist.

Depending on the time of the month, I have little to no muffin topage. I recommend these jeans for the curvy women. I'll explain the difference between curvy and obese another time I don't feel like being bothered.

Anyway, I love them! I can't say enough about them. I'm quite bootylicious (which is my theme song by the way! Thanks B!) and so they accentuate my tail just perfectly. They come in boot cut as well, but not skinny or low rise. I don't look for low rise or skinny because I wear neither.

Here are my suggestions for skinny, bootcut, low rise, curvy jeans. So ladies, please take a good long look in a full length mirror and see if any of these apply to you be for you go shopping.

Skinny wearers are: Slim, mostly stick type, thin framed, small to no build; size zero to size 6 thin width

Low Rise wearers are: Slim to medium frame, stick to slightly curvy, small to medium build, have a flat tummy, not prone to muffin tops (menstrual cycles are excluded); size zero to 6, thin to thick width

Curvy wearers are: Medium to slightly large frame, medium to big thighs, medium to thick waisted, have a nice size backside, prone to muffin tops and need coverage; size 4 to 10, thick width

Please wear your jeans according to your body type, not according to the latest fashion!

WHEN DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE GAY, WE BEEN KNEW!

Rosie, Ellen, and now Lance Bass (from N'Sync). What do they all have in common? We knew from day one they were gay, but just realized it three days ago.

Look at Lance's picture, he has that face only a GLAAD member could love. Who wouldn't think Lance is gay, this bama tried to fly out of space!

HE GET HIS EYEBROWS ARCHED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! COME ON PEOPLE.

Why do homosexual celebrities come out the closet, when it's obvious that you're gay? We have all come to accept gay people, well not everyone but that's a different blog.

Anywho, Rosie decided after her talk show tanked that she needed attention. "Humm, how can I get attention? OOOH, I KNOW! Let's tell them I'm gay!" We all watched that special and I know that I, like millions of other Americans were saying, "We were waiting for you to know you're gay. We already knew that since the Flintstones."

We don't care about your sexual status, but I mean if you're twirling and switching it's kind of obvious! It's this one lady at my job, who doesn't even have to say anything. We all know, and I'm sure she knows that we know. Why make a public announcement about it?

Why do you feel that you need to be "happy and liberated" like Lance said by going public about your sexual preference? I'm going to announce the next time I have sex with my boyfriend, hey I'm happy and liberated afterwards, why can't I announce it?

I don't care who you sleep with, I don't care what you do in your personal time. Hell, I barely give a shit about your career! You were N'Sync, the only good thing that came out of that group besides Justin was him dumping Skanky Spears and that damn "Bye Bye" video!

Who are you going to hurt by announcing your gay? You're Lance Bass! Justin Timberlake, Colin Ferrell, damn even Marlon Wayans coming out the closet would have me bent out of shape more than Lance Bass?

Who is Lance? A former singer, in love with a reality star? Did he even have a solo song on airplay? Did he do something other than play second fiddle to JT? Nah, he's just some former star trying to get some attention like the porn chick who used to play on Family Matters.

I mean really, why can't a straight star come out and say, "I am a heterosexual and proud of it"? Why announce to the world you like boys? And more importantly why should we give a damn?

STAR JONES, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I've been listening for days about this Star Jones madness and it has to stop. She's been whining harder than a spoiled brat, wanting daddy's benz to go shopping. Get off your soapbox honey, and go eat a cheesesteak!

The View has known for months they were going to fire her, and yet they didn't tell her. Barbara WaWa said that it was to "protect" Star, while she was going through several personal matters. One, being her bariatric surgery and the release of her book. While I can appreciate what WaWa was trying to do, the best thing they should have done was tell her they weren't renewing her contract.

You can't keep a "secret" like that for so long without the other person knowing something is going on. Although, Star should have asked; The View should have had a sit down with her at the time they made the decision not to renew her contract. They dropped the ball with that one, and some backlash will occur.

With all that said, I will say this about Star. Her time has come and gone with The View, she has bored American housewives to death. How much more can they take of her referencing her gay ass husband, or her new outfits? She's borderline Kathy Lee Gifford meets Oprah. She has made such a todo about her personal business, but when it comes to her "weight loss success" she wants to be quiet? BITCH PLEASE!

You went under the knife like Al Roker did, and do you see him cowering under the "it's my personal business?" Nope, he's proud about it, he's helped other not be so ashamed of the procedure.

I'm so tired of Star's "bitch and moan" tiraids, and it's getting on my nerves. Star this, Star that. Who the hell cares? You made your money, so go away and do something else. Isn't there a red carpet you and your Velvet Queen need to be on?

Everyone was wrong in this situation, and I'm not sure if The View's going to survive with Rosie on there. It's only so much yelling and loud talk one can take at 11 in the morning. They added a roster to the hen party. . .I can't wait to see how this plays out.

Star, get over it honey. Playing the vicitm will only take you so far. You have better things to do, like realize your husband's gay! Maybe you should stick around and get advice from Rosie!

Oh, and for you ignorant ass black folk. A black out? For Star? You are seriously tripping! There are more pressing issues than Star Jones, now if you're getting paid let me know! If not, go home, let your child listen to "I Was Getting Some Head" and watch "Tip Drill".

Fashion Mini War: Open toed shoes vs. Inclement Weather

I see it when it’s 40 degrees outside, I believe I saw it during the blizzard of ’96. Now, while we’re in the middle of our own little raining season, I still see them.

Yep, I’m talking about open toed shoes! Why do women wear them and it’s raining buckets of water outside? That’s about as idiotic as an active water fountain in a thunder storm! I see them during the winter for holiday parties, and now while we’re only day three into our seven day raining period (I think this how Seattle must feel) I see crusty, ashy toes.

I just want to know why!

Yes, I know you may say, “It’s 70 degrees outside.” Well, you’re correct it is 70 degrees outside, you win the prize for being smart about the weather! How come you’re not smart enough to know “open toes = wet toes”? Just because it’s hot outside, it’s still wet regardless.

To make it worst, you’re the same folk I see dodging puddles trying not to get your feet wet. Umm. . .you can’t do that today of all days, when dodging puddles is an impossible feat in and of itself.

And if you’re going to have your toes out, GET THEM DONE! Mai Fong can get them polished for you and get the crust off, or get some lotion and try to keep them less ashy! You wonder why your feet look like they’re going to crack and bleed! You have more scales on them than a fat man at a weight loss boot camp!

Jeez, why isn’t common sense, common? You can’t look cute in a pair of shoes that cover your feet up?!

I'm keeping it short, because I know I'll see some dumbass in the winter. Shivering like a scared wet cat, wondering why it's so cold outside! Stop rolling your eyes because I'm talking about you!

Rainy Monday

It’s raining like cats and dogs outside, it’s wetter than a Superhead porn video. It won’t let up, I swear I saw animals walking in two’s and an arc with spinning rims!

So, at work, I’m alone. Let me explain a bit! My one co-worker had already scheduled the day off to go to the doctor’s and to run some other errands, which was no problem. I understand, we all need to go to the doctor; being a woman, you need to get felt on by your doctor’s at least once a year to make sure the belts and hoses are still working.

My other co-worker, who started in April; called out AGAIN, she was off on Friday because she was too scared to drive. So, today she used the weather as an excuse not to come in. “I got turned around, so I went back home” umm. . .hello, you jackass everyone was getting turned around! SO DID I, AND I CAME TO WORK!

I never wanted anyone to get fired in all my days, but I swear, if I can do it I would tell her ass to “hit the road jack”. I mean really, I would fire her myself! I can’t stand that mess with a passion. I have kids, and never use the fact I have kids as an excuse for anything, but she uses it on a regular. She also live at the end of my county in Maryland, and so it is a hump and a half to get to work. HOWEVER, her ass wanted to live down there; she applied for a two bedroom apartment and they said she wasn’t qualified for the two bedroom so they gave her the one. She didn’t want to take it, because she asked for two bedroom!

HELLO!!!!! IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT AND REALLY NEED IT. . .YOU TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET UNTIL YOU CAN GET WHAT YOU WANT!

As you can tell, I’m beyond pissed. I’m going to try and be civil tomorrow, but since I know how I am, I’ll just be quiet. I hate blogging about work issues, but this takes the cake by far.

I haven’t had the chance to take care of any of the work that’s been piling on my desk because of her Tom Foolery, and I’ve been hearing all kinds of people calling my service line.

Someone spent 20 minutes asking me the same questions, and I’ve had a guy snorting in my ear. That nasty wet snort, just beyond gross! I love rainy Mondays, and I love my job. Today, nah! Ask me tomorrow.

I don’t mind doing the work, I actually like it. However, the thought of her sitting at home watching Maury’s weekly “Baby Daddy/I slept with your third cousin” episode, makes my stomach turn with anger. I wish I could be so “undiligent” and “unfaithful” about my job.

I got up at 5:00 and got in the shower around 5:20 – 5:30 and was down here at 7:00, after I dropped my son off. Traffic was a nightmare, but I still made it in. She made no effort to come in to work. She didn’t want to come into work, and using her location as an excuse. Well, that’s not going to work! AND YOU’RE NEW!

I don't want her talking to me, or apologizing to me. I think I would get up and just walk out, because her ignorant ass isn't worth getting fired for. I wish I could call her and fire her over the phone! Man, I would get Donald Trump with it in a heart beat!

If this was any other time, I would cuss her up one side and down the other. I won't hesitate or break a sweat, but because I value my job. I'll just be quiet the whole day tomorrow. I don't know what my boss is going to do, but this is unnacceptable.

What happen to having pride in your job? What happen to doing what it takes to get the job done? Where the hell are those folk? I guess we're all hired, and now I'm dealing with the scrapings of the employment scrap heap!

I swear if my famous saying: Excuses are reasons for failure, weren't true any other time. . .they are true today!

Yes, I'm truly looking forward to the winter! What excuse will she come up with then?

Fashion War I


Over the years, I’ve seen my fair share of fashion atrocities committed against man/womankind! We had the painful brasseries, men with their jock straps and tighty whities. Lest we forget the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, gone are the bobby socks, space suits and Aqua Net. The nineties brought about the advent of hats with holes cut out the top for ponytails, baseball shirts and can we not forget the riding boots?

In the new century, I haven’t seen anything that would suggest we are getting better with the fashion and what we chose to wear. Earlier in this decade, I’ve seen something’s that make me want to write to congress and ask them to employ fashion police in every state of the union. I’m an advocate of being different, setting you apart from everyone else.

I also believe in stepping outside the box, but some folk have never stepped into the box, let alone try to get out of it. We’ve seen in this decade, excess. More excess than in the 80’s; no decade can top the 70’s but I believe that this new century can truly compete with the past fashion disasters.

I’ve seen teeny tiny clothes on big whalelephants (across between a whale and an elephant), knowing full well they should have been arrested by security for buying outfits so small we can see every roll and stretch mark on their big asses! I’ve seen colors on people that do not belong. You can’t be, pardon the phrase, Crunchy Black with hazel contacts in your eyes. You weren’t born that way, it’s not original. I take that back, it is original. . .originally ridiculous!

Now, with the invention of hair in every hue possible, I’ve seen blue braids, hot pink braids. A combination of red, white and blue braids, and I believe that half these chicks can’t even tell you how to spell bicentennial; let alone tell you the history of this country. As long as they are different with a “patriotic” flair thrown in, who cares?

I’ve recently seen the short skirts, the ruffle ones that leave just enough fabric to cover your ass. The kind that you see girls constantly pulling down as if some material is going to, well, materialize! I really hate that skirt, as a fashion mistake, it ranks up there with the two side split skirt only the super obese seem to love wearing. They are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but on the fashion scale it’s a HELL NO on my list.

What happen to being ladylike? Since when did individuality become collateral damage because you want to wear the latest Sean John outfit? Tell the young men to pull their pants up and stop walking around like they have dookie in their pants.

Since when did self respect become an acceptable fashion casualty because you want to look like Melyssa Ford or 50 cent? 50 cent don’t look like 50 cent all the time, find out how he dresses when he’s just plain old Curtis.

Dressing with respect for yourself, and still looking classy with it is a talent that most young teens don’t wish to have. They think it’s nerdish or “old people-ish” because they are trying to give into peer pressure.

When I was their age, I wanted to wear the riding boots with the leggings and baseball shirt. I wanted to wear whatever Mary J., Salt N Peppa, Mariah Carey, and Whitney Houston were wearing. It’s only natural, but at some point you have to start figuring out who you want to be.

Now even Mariah’s naked! Toni Braxton, uhh. . .next! Mary got abs of steel and even Oprah isn’t looking all grandma-ish (actually that depends on the occasion)!

My great-grandmother told me back when I was in my black stage, heading into my formative years a hoochie dresser, to have some “mystery” because “men love when a woman doesn’t show all she has. It gives him something to look forward to.”

I’ve tried it the “other” way for a while, and realized that she was right (what grandmother is ever wrong, especially the great ones?) and started dressing with some respect and decorum.

Now, I’ve realized that I can dress classy and be sexy. Sexy isn’t the same as tawdry or chickenhead-ish. Cheap, easy, sleazy and skeezy isn’t the way a young woman should dress.

I swear these parents nowadays don’t teach their children anything. And before you start rolling your eyes and neck, saying “I do teach my child, she don’t know me!” Well, if you are EDUCATING your child, I’m NOT talking to you. If you are letting your child dress like it’s perpetually Halloween, because you too dress like your lights were out during the winter solstice; you can get mad, what are you going to do? Change your thinking?

Nope!

Good parents, responsible parents who are raising their kids to be respectable members of society we sometime forget that the way they dress also play a role in their future. Keep the boys pants up with a belt, find white tees that fit them and not look like rolled up bed sheets. Ladies, compliment YOUR frame with clothing and accessories that will make you stand out from the crowd. Kids, put your best foot forward at all times, if you want to be treated as an individual, don’t look like everyone else!

Oprah vs. Hip hop

Well, there's alot of spectualtion as to whether Ms. Winfrey likes hip hop music or if she doesn't. Now, I don't have billions like O, and let's face it I don't have millions like her either. However, I can't stand TODAY'S hip hop music. I have a new appreciation of the 80's/early 90's hip hop and r&b music, and even though I've honestly gave TODAY'S music a chance; it's not working for me.

I hate it, hate it, hate it. If I like a song from today's music, it has to be more than the standard "EFF THE HOES" "I GOT MONEY, I'LL CAP YOUR ASS". Why can't they talk about something else? They don't have to be all goody tooshoes, but for goodness sakes why are they so limited in what they say?

"Well, if you don't like you can turn off the radio or change the channel" yada yada yada. What about "Self-Destruction" "Paper Thin" "911 Is A Joke" shoot what about "Brooklyn Zoo" and "Now That We've Found Love"? What happen to that music, and why is it relegated to the "old school"?

What's with the bitches and hoes? If Oprah's on her show discussing the marginalization of women, why would she have 50 cent on her show? What can he talk about? If she's trying to help the country track down child molesters and pedophiles, why would she have a rapper on there talking about "effing hoes" and the majority of those listening to the music are young kids?

What sense does that make? I love me some Ludacris, but would you want to spend an hour defending your music to Oprah and the demographics she appeals too? What would you say that would make her feel at least a little more welcoming towards you and your craft? How could you defend your music without being considered a "sell out" to your audience?

On the flip side, she's has Will Smith on her show so what's wrong with Ice Cube? He's done alot more than say "eff the police", he's directed and produced movies and tv shows. She had the cast of "Black/White" on her show, why not the producer?

I won't excuse or agree with any side, because it's not necessarily my place. I would like to point that if Ms. Winfrey will have Will Smith on her show, why not another rapper like Cube or LL Cool J?

Just like if 50 cent and others want to be taken seriously by Oprah, then why not have a valid reason to have an hour of our time. You can't rap on her show, because you'll be bleeped at least 5 times a verse. Have a platform to speak on, something substantial to speak about. Give Oprah a reason for wanting you on her show.

Offer to help her find sex offenders, talk about how you're helping the community. Give something to the audience other than a tour of your latest crib. If your world's empty and shallow, you don't deserve an hour of my time.

Good Afternoon guys! As the day closes for me, I would like to make somethings clear.

As we all know it's graduation season, and there are some folk who should not be valedictorian or allowed to speak in public. My highlight of the week was the graduation I attended on Wednesday, which was good with the exception of some points.

Just because you have a GPA of 5.25 (or whatever the standard is now) does not necessarily mean you are intellectually smart enough to speak in public. I have never seen such a display of wasted time and the resounding "What the hell are you talking about" come from a group of individuals in my life.

Giving shout outs and talking about your busted car, doesn't allow the audience to whom you are speaking to understand the correlation between heading out into the world and the fact you can't open the passenger side door to your old car.

I got the point that you don't want to depend on a ball player to support you, but the delivery doesn't indicate you plan on going far in your life. If you could have only heard what was coming out of this poor child's mouth was astonishing at best, and I surely don't mean that in the best way. Grant it, she's intelligent on paper.. .but what came out her mouth, didn't prove that point.

I'm not sure who or how someone is elected valedictorian or co-valedictorian (in this case, and why not have a salutatorian as done in my day?), but I'm pretty sure that the standards are low for this particular school. And I've seen better, more well spoken students walk across the stage with a 3.85 GPA.

In my opinion, I believe they need a better system than the one that they currently have because it's obvious it's not working. I propose that they take the top ten achieving students in the graduating class, have them submit an essay on whatever topic the school chooses. 1000 words or less, and whatever the best top two essays are, those are the valedictorian and saluatorian for the graduation class.

They also should spend time on public speaking. Allowing them the opportunity to present their essay to their school, as a test to their public speaking skills. Or shoot offer a Toastmasters class. I'm sure that will work.

Just because you're smart and popular shouldn't guarantee you a spot on stage at the graduation! You have to have the whole package, how can this girl go into the work force and talk the way that she did?

Also, I'm truly bothered by the lack of education and decorum that some folk tend to proudly carry around. My tolerance for ignorance was extremely reaching its zenith on Wednesday, and as much as I wanted to say "Please, go educate yourself", I just kept quiet. Why even bother to say anything, if they are to ignorant to understand that they lack the basic "hometraining" to conduct themselves accordingly when they leave the house?

What is the point in even getting upset? What was I more upset about, the lack of intelligence or upset about the fact that they don't seek to do better for themselves then to be what it is they are?

So here are my "Top 10 Graduation No-No's"

10)Don't give shout outs during your valedictorian speech

9) Don't walk across the stage barefoot (yes someone was barefoot!)

8) Don't keep your head down while you're giving your speech

7) Don't wear a wedding dress or a bridesmaid dress as a graduation gown

6) Don't make references to your busted up hooride during your valedictorian speech

5) Don't come late and start screaming "WHERE SHE AT?"

4) Don't smack your lips during your valedictorian speech.

3) While the principal is giving the proclamation that the students met the requirements to graduate don't yell "THAT'S IT! THEY DON'T WALK ACROSS THE STAGE?!" it's obvious they haven't gotten to that part yet!

2) Don't say "WHOO, I KNOW SHE CAN'T WAIT TO GET MARRIED TO CHANGE HER LAST NAME" just because you can't pronounce Thomas!

1) When the emcee say ". . .and last but not least, Mr. Kwesi Mfume" don't say "Who? Is he here?!"

Have a happy weekend!