Tuesday, August 28, 2007


Hey ya'll, I'm back and in the flesh. Only one or two people care enough so I'm talking to them; so hey Avin and The Make Up Girl! Missed you while I was gone.

I read Avin's blog and I refuse to cry *cues Mary J. Blige* but it was so touching and moving. My wedding was a dream, more than I ever imagined. If it wasn't for my coordinator/co-worker I don't know if it would have turned out so beautiful.

Everything seemed to be aligned, from the beautiful weather to the kids behaving; I had the most perfect day imaginable. I hear that rain is a sign of good luck on a wedding day. . .good luck for who? Not after I spent all night getting my hair done! So, I was grateful that the weather was so gorgeous.

I was in the limo watching all the guests come in and then decided to occupy myself by listening to my matron of honor's ipod/phone thingy and all she had on it was some stupid New Edition and Get Me Bodied. So, I spent my final alone time as a single woman doing the Naomi Campbell walk in the limo.

I damn near had a panic attack when my coordinator opened the door of the limo to get me out; it was time to get married. She said, "If you want, we can dip out in the limo and go get drinks. You ready now?" So after a nod, we walked up the steps to the chapel and there I was; my oldest son on my left ready to walk me down to my dad who took me the rest of the way.

I don't remember seeing Avin and the girls crying like they were watching the end of Steel Magnolias; shoot they were crying at the damn wedding rehearsal. The whole ceremony was so nice and touching; so romantic and all that good stuff.

Mr. D said vows to my boys while he gave them necklaces and apparently everyone just fell out crying. Why didn't I cry you ask?!? (1) The Make Up girl would have stopped the ceremony to fix my make up (2) It wasn't needed everyone else was crying like they were at Luther's funeral!

The reception was so wonderful and I just hope everyone had a good time. I danced myself into a leg cramp that lasted for two days. I dropped it, brought it back up and dipped it some more. I got my eagle on, dropped it like it was hot. . .hazy hot and humid more like it!

We were so tired, we didn't consummate anything but some sleep! We had a nice room at the Marriott in downtown DC, but all I wanted to do was scrub my face and go to sleep!

I had a blast at my wedding, none of the children there cried, no one got loud or anything embarrassing. I did have someone act like a pure dee bitch. I'll be blogging about that in a few.

With that aside. . .it was the best wedding I've ever been to, even it was my own!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

An Announcement From Dia

I have a formal announcement to make!


Yesterday, I was driving home from work and if you know me, you would know that there's a lot of shit I don't tolerate while driving. So this lady wanted to wait until the last minute to get over and of course that meant getting over in front of me, after I waited in traffic for 30 minutes or so because of the slow ass drivers.

Of course letting her over wasn't an option, so she pulled up next to me to say: "Thank you Bitch!" So of course I responded with: "OH MY LAWD, CALL IMUS CALL AL SHARPTON SHE CALLED ME A BITCH MY FEELINGS HAVE BEEN VIOLATED. Honey, I was called a bitch three days ago. . .find another word to use. Thank you dumb ass and have a wonderful day."

I would like to say that calling me a bitch isn't insulting and I would like people to use another more convincing word. I get called a bitch at least several times a week, so some driver calling me that is nothing new.

I'm not calling for a moratorium on the word or anything, I'm just calling for our smart mouths to find something more creative.

That's it. Thanks.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

MTB Monday Night Recap

Yes, I know it's Wednesday. So quit bitching and read.

The show starts with Michael Bivins coming to the house to explain the "rules" of the competition to the men and how the house will not have any sorts of drama whatsoever. I guess Mr. Bad Boy doesn't want to shut the studio down again.

Mike also explained to them that they are competing agains each other however they are all in this together. Umm. . .this made not a bit of damn sense! Let me proceed.

Diddy wants to keep the boys fit and fabulous on stage; I guess looking like Ricky Ross and Fat Joe is out in 2007. They took the boys to NYCSC (NYC Sports Club) and they met with a personal trainer and they got weighed in.

Michael the heavier of the crew weighed in at a whopping 287 pounds! So she had them doing some Celebrity Fit Club type shit until Dyshon damn near passed out. He was dehydrated and had dangerously low blood pressure. Umm. . .Diddy they are all out of shape start them off slowly. With the exception of Dan who lost 16 pounds after the first audition.

Next they met with BOOM BOOM KAT Gibson dressed like she was auditioning for the Pussycat Dolls/Simple Life! She had them doing African inspired dances and BALLET! I do believe that was for comedic purposes because I was dying laughing!

Diddy shows up and meet with the fellas, in his one of many surprise visits. He had them do a "Hi, My Name is" session and they explained why they were there. All of them were sincere and really seemed like they wanted it. Diddy, I hope got to know them a little better.

Next Didds tell them that they had to form five different singing groups. He told them that they would go around performing at open mic nights and the like, and the groups run the risk of being dwindled down if one or all of the members can't show and prove.

HOWEVER! *cues suspense music* Didds return and asks Michael what he had for breakfast. It's clear these young men didn't watch the previous three MTB's or they would realize their every move is being monitored. Anywho:

Didds asks again "Michael what did you have for breakfast?" Michael looks like the kid that caught kissing his cousin. He aptly said "A grilled cheese" Didds say, "YOU HAD THREE GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES!" Michael said "I had two." all sheepish and shit. Umm. . .Michael when you weigh 287 two grilled cheese sandwiches are just as bad as three.

Diddy made him get on the treadmill and walk five miles. He told Dan to help him since he had no problem losing weight. He told Michael that he has no more chances, and stormed out in a Bad Boy huff.

They picked their own names: Campus Block, Face, Legit, 37th Ave. and Switch. They started practicing their singing and dance routines.

I'm truly concerned about Chris, he can't sing worth a damn but he can dance. Hopefully he can stop telling himself he can't do it and at least try.

Julius reminds me of Fred from MTB 1 and this boy can sing.

Stay tuned

Monday, June 25, 2007


Dear Tank Johnson,

I heard that you got "let go" from the Chicago Bears because you can't act like a civilized human being. Sucks to be you right now doesn't it? You are in jail for two months, suspended for the first 8 games and now the piece de resistance. . .you are fired from your job.

How loverly! Do they have an unemployment line for criminal NFL Players? What kind of unemployment benefits can you get? I can get you a good reference if you need one.

Seriously though, what team will want you now that you're on Maurice Clarrett status? Next thing we'll hear is that you're holding up a McDonald's for three Big Mac's and two Chicken McNugget Happy Meals. Times is hard!

How many chances do you need to get before you realize you have to get your shit together? We only get put on probation once at my job and after that your ass is fired; you get more leeway than the common man but yet you still fuck up. ROYALLY!

Well Tank, I think that while you're destroying your liver and career; let this be a lesson to you.

Get a damn driver! Please don't let me see you on an episode of Cops!

I think unemployment opens at 9am, good luck with that!


MTB - Season 18451296781.2

Last night I watched the season premire of Making The Band Season. . .well I stopped counting after they shut down the studio.

It was pretty good, the usual audition openings. Nothing spectaular, outside of the Asian guy; everyone else sound the same. They have a new panel helping Diddy chose the guys for his singing group.

The dream team is comprised of New Edition's Michael Bivins, Grammy-winning producer Bryan Cox, R&B singer Joe, A&R manager Slam, vocal coach Ankh Ra and choreographer Laurie Ann Gibson (BOOM BOOM KAT). (Plus, manager Johnny Wright, singer Mario Winans and others will be lending a hand from time to time.) Thanks MTV.com for that help.

I don't know all the major players yet and I'm sure the drama will be on and popping. When you get a bunch of zesty boys in one house, I'm sure the fur is going to fly. Where's Ms. Jay when you need him/her?

It's bound to be some windmilling and "I'll scratch your eyes out bitch" going on in that house. Stay tuned, I'll try my best to report back for the season.

Eddie, You ARE The Father!

Dear Eddie Murphy,

I hear that congratulations are in store on your seventh child. I know you can't wait to introduce her to the kids you had with that man Nicole and the other baby you had before them. Do you realize that you are rich and can get Trojan to personalize some condoms for you?

It beats going to the free clinic for shots. Seriously, I know that God said be fruitful and multiply but he wasn't asking you to do it all by yourself. Does Tracy know you like it raw? What would Rick James say about this?

The fucked up thing about this; you humiliated Mel on TV and in the press. Made her look like a tramp that fucks anyone. Haven't you noticed that she was way too quiet when the stories broke? Let me tell you why. She knew who her baby daddy is.

Any woman who doesn't sleep around or act like let's see. . .Kim Kardashian or. . .uhh. . .Kim Kardashian, knows who the father of her baby is. Even Supahead and Carmen Bryant know who the fathers are. . .that should be telling you something.

Bet you won't stick wet Willie somewhere raw again. It's funny you named your stand up movie the way you like to give it. . .RAW!

I think you need to hit up Diddy for child support advice. Oh, I forgot. We should have put you on the Maury show since you want to embarrass people in public. Why couldn't we have the results in public like on Maury. Eddie, in the case of Iris. . .YOU ARE THE FATHER!

Good luck,


I Am Officially Done

I'm finished being nice. I say this year after year, but seriously; I can't take anymore. From now on, I want all my shit up front. I won't loan you anything, I'm not putting myself out there for anyone anymore.

I loaned my son's crib to my sister (my oldest's son's aunt actually) because she was a young mother, just making it out. Now, Mr. Dia and I will be conceiving after the honeymoon; and guess what I want back? My crib that I brought my babies home in; where is that crib?

THEY GAVE AWAY MY SHIT! Why? It was in my "mother's" garage and she didn't want it in there anymore. WTF kind of Tom Foolery is that? What makes me even more pissed off, no one understand how I feel.

How can you give away something that doesn't belong to you? If it was taking up space in your garage; why not call me and say "Dia, your crib is taking up space. Do you want it back?" I've left a set of dishes in her garage for six years and she called me to come get them, but you can't do that for my crib?

So, as of right now. Don't ask me for shit and I want all that's due me up front. No, "Can you wait until I get paid?" NOPE, FUCK YOU PAY ME! Don't ask me can you borrow shit, nope because I don't trust you.

My trust in people have been dwindling little by little and this doesn't do anything to restore my faith in people at all. It's not the crib it's the gotdamn principle. You don't give away anything someone loaned you.

So, there it goes ladies and gentlemen. I'm fresh out! I have no more to give. I've given away something that meant a lot to me. I struggled to buy that crib and brought two babies home to sleep in that crib. . .and now I can't do that to the new baby, whenever he comes.

Fuck you very much, little sister for nothing.

Call me a bitch, at least I'm good at it.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Let's Talk Swimsuits

Ladies, Ladies, My Ladies. . .Let's rap a taste about swimsuits. Men listen up because I need you to help your women out.


Whew! I had to get that out, now let's proceed. Me and my fellas went to the amusement park on Wednesday; much to Avin's dismay because she thinks I have no job, yup I skipped work so what's it to you?

The mess I saw was ri-damn-diculous and I must speak on it; I've been holding it in and it's starting to feel like gas.

I'm at the water park and I saw two pieces on all the wrong people. Fat people, out of shape people, oddly shaped people. . .just all sorts of wrongness. Why do you insist on putting your fat ass in a two piece and your shit is jiggling baby? I saw the one piece suits that had the cut outs on the sides and meat and fat was falling out of it.

I saw stretch marks and pouches, side meat, back meat, front meat. . .it was a mess! Just because you can buy doesn't mean you should. If I said it once, I've said it a billion times. . .NOT EVERYTHING IS FOR EVERY BODY!

Even if they didn't have stretch marks they were still jiggling baby and wore a two piece or those laser cut swimsuits with the sides out. Please don't let me forget the little fat girls in two pieces. Now, I don't agree with letting little girls have their stomachs out; so why would your let your portly daughter wear a two piece and her stomach is bigger than the donut on my front left wheel?

I actually saw someone in a two piece with an underbelly, and I wanted to cuss so bad. I have a list of do's and don'ts and at this point, I think I need to get Congress involved because I can't trust you to make the correct decisions for the summer.

Dia's Swimsuit Do's and Don't You Even Fucking Dare List!

DO. . .try on the suit and have an honest friend with you. Having a friend that lie to you constantly will tell you that you look good wearing a cow manure bag, get that friend that's honest or have me go with you.

DO NOT. . .assume that you'll look like the Victoria's Secret model when you order your swimsuit. They diet and exercise or throw up their food. . .bottom line if you're eating Big Mac's and Whopper's with extra cheese. . .don't put your fat ass in a two piece.

DO. . .recognize your body type and buy a swimsuit that will enhance your good features or play down your trouble spots. If your whole body is a trouble spot, put on a moo moo.

DO NOT. . .lie to yourself and say that you love your body. Nobody likes their body, even the healthy ones.

DO NOT. . .tell yourself that 250 pounds is healthy and that you can wear anything!

DO. . .shop for cute one pieces or tankini's. They are making them real cute and sexy now, so you don't have to depend on a two piece to be sexy.

DO NOT. . .think that fat is sexy. BBW are sexy but when it's oozing all over the place it becomes nasty.

DO NOT. . .embarrass yourself! WAX, no one wants to see you looking like Harry from Harry and the Hendersons

DO NOT. . .FOR MEN. . .let your woman buy a two piece and she spends most of her winter and spring eating three pieces with extra sides. Be honest with your woman and tell her that even though you love her, that suit will not be appealing to her.

DO. . .FOR MEN. . .play up your woman's good features and suggest she buy a suit that will accentuate the positives. Remember, she'll be with you when she's wearing this suit. . .so please make sure she can represent you properly.

That's it my ladies. Several rules for properly wearing a swimsuit; if you're not sure how to properly buy a suit, always ask the sales staff. They are there to help you.

Have a good summer.

Isaiah Quit Your Bitching!

Dear Mr. Washington,

I do understand that you're upset about being let go for your homophobic rants about TR Knight; however, I think it's my duty to tell you to quit it! NOW!!!!

You've compared yourself to Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr. and why would you do that? You can't be serious right now; are you? They did things for this country that can't be compared to calling someone the f word.

Isaiah you were fired, let it go playa let it go. Every 10 seconds someone gets fired; whether it's wrong or not isn't the issue. The point is it happen, now deal with it like a man.

The incessant whining makes you look like a pansy and who would want to hire an actor that cries everytime he/she gets fired. Isn't there an unemployment office for actors that you need to standing in line for?

So in closing, quit the damn bitching because you're acting like one right now! I can't read my news and gossip rags without seeing you pop up like a bad case of the clap! There are plenty of other shows out there you can be on. Grant it they won't be the number one show in the country, but hey tough titty said the kitty.

Go kick rocks and stay out the damn news. You're really not all that important, I'm sure there's a barber that would really like to work on that shape up you haven't had since '82.

Not a fan,


Thursday, May 31, 2007

Why Must You Make The Kids Beg?

I've been working in Downtown Washington, DC for about 6 years now and on my way home I've seen the same kids beg for money for a mentoring/sports program.

I know, I know. . .Wu-Tang's for the kids, but seriously why are these grown ass men making the kids beg for money? They've been asking for money for the same program for six years (as long as I've been commuting to work) and they haven't made a dime yet? I find that seriously hard to believe!

They are out there RIGHT after school. Which leads me to another question; how can they be a mentoring program if the kids are begging for change after school every day? Is it a weekend mentoring program? I highly doubt it!

How do you know that the men are begging. . .yada yada yada! Because the men are sitting in lawn chairs cooling in the shade, drinking a little lemonade (sorry Doug E. Fresh) on the median while the kids are in the street begging once the light turns red! Drinking water and shit, while the poor boys are holding up that old ass sign asking for change.

I gave them change the first two years of my commute, but then I realized this might be a scam. Do I need to call Chris Hansen? You know Chris Hansen can sniff out a liar like Kim Kardashian for new dick!

I'm not upset about the begging. . .hey if it's legit, then by all means go for it. Still why are the men pimping these young boys to do the job?

All I need is Kat Williams to jump out from behind a tree and start slapping bamas!

Poor kids! Where is Wu-Tang when you need them!? *calling Meth and U-god*

Yes, It's Hot! Does The Air Need To Be On Iceland?!

Okay, so I finally got to watch my channels from 12 on up (long story. . .hating Comcast right now!) and I watched the morning news. It's a code orange day in the nation's capital and it looks like it'll be that way tomorrow as well (I knew I should have gotten my perm on Saturday). . .just freaking great!

Why do they (not my folk) insist on having the air on Iceland today? Don't they realize that women are prone to suffer from Headlight Syndrome? My heater is going on and off like lights in Sunday's thunder storm! I can't have my tater tots standing at full attention; sometimes that shit hurts!

Now, I would hate to work outside, but damn does it have to be so awfully cold in here?

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

A-Rod's Wife Is Getting A Ring Like 'Nessa

AWWWWW Shucks, A-Rod you dirty little devil you!

He's suppose to be in Toronto with the Yanks for their game against the Blue Jays and what does he do? Take a very lovely curvaceous blond female out to dinner and was seen with said Ms. Curvy-ness at the Four Seasons Hotel, down the way from the Park Hyatt where the Yanks were staying.

They then were seen dining on steak and potatoes at the Harbour Sixty Steakhouse and instead of the after dinner mint; the $252 million dollar Yankee instead took Miss Thing to the Brass Rail to see the naked pole technicians do their thing.

What's the BFD you ask? He wasn't with his wife! *cue suspense music* No, his wife wasn't playing dress up; and no he didn't get hit in the head with a ball (every pun intended) and have a memory lapse. He was doing what men have done since the dawn of time; CHEAT AND GET CAUGHT!

Of course I would never assume that Mr. Rod (yes another pun) was doing the nasty with her, but hey; we are all adults here! And I know that Mrs. Rodriguez should be expecting a 10-carat "Bebe', Lo Siento!" ring shortly.

Yes, Miss Thing knew he was married because he had on his ring and she knew that he didn't belong to her.

Where's Shirley Murdock when you need a quick rendition of "As We Lay"?

To add to the madness. . .the Yanks lost! AGAIN!