Fashion War: Jeans!

In my part two of the fashion war, I would like to discuss jeans. Jeans come in all kinds of fits now; skinny, bootcut, low rise and curvy. I would like to discuss each fit listed individually.

Skinny Cut

The skinny jean are a slim fit jean, they're not stretched or have elastic in them. They run extra small, and if you get your size and you're not slim they are too small. Even if you are skinny they're still too small. If you want to get skinny jeans, please try them on; and if they no longer look like they're supposed to then you can't buy them.

How to tell they look skinny? If you don't look slim in the jeans, TAKE THEM OFF NOW!!!! Your big ass don't need to wear them, jean isn't stretchable unless they come with some kind of stretch fabric! SKINNY JEANS AREN'T MEANT TO STRETCH! Only size zero to six can wear them, if you're a very slim size zero to six mind you. If are the size of a watermelon, don't try to squeeze into a straw, that's just wrong!

Bootcut

I actually like bootcut jeans, they give me a little bit more room to play with. So, I can't really say anything about boot cut jeans. However, I must say again that you need to get jeans in your size. If you don't know your size, use the nearest dressing room. Grab the size you THINK you are and two sizes up. If they fit you comfortably, meaning you can sit down or do the hookie pokie then they are okay. If you can see your thong, or any part of your ass. . .they are too small, dust yourself off and try again!

Low Rise

WHO IN THE HELL DESIGNED LOW RISE JEANS, AND WHY AREN'T THEY CASTRATED?!!!

I hate low rise jeans, because no one wears them that can wear them. I've only seen models, the ass less and fat girls wear low rise jeans. I've yet come across someone who actually look nice in low rise jeans. Let me break this down further, the low rise wearers need a talking to.

The Ass Less

Apparently the low rise jeans are designed to give a "lift" to the ass less. Well, I don't think the jeans were created by Whodini or David Copperfield. So, if you're expecting have the jean perform an ass magic trick. . .you can forget about it!

I don't care if they low rise or high rise, if you don't have an ass to begin with; jeans won't make one magically appear! Which begs me to ask this question; if a woman (white) thinks that having a big ass means she's fat, then why wear a jean to give you an ass? Isn't that contradictory?

The Fat Girl

Must I say anything? I think so, so here it is. You can not wear low rise jeans and you have more belly than Santa Clause! You should never want to walk around in public with your belly hanging over your belt buckle. You should feel ashamed and embarassed. Why? Because you're not who the jeans are made for!

So before you put your ho ho down and respond, look at your ho ho and your jeans and then think real carefully about what you're going to say. Everything isn't for everyone, if you don't like this post. . .so what! Skinny Jeans and Low Rise jeans aren't for fat people!

Did I hurt your feelings? You hurt mine everytime I see you looking like that! And before you come up with some witty comeback like "If you don't like it don't look" that's like asking me to walk around in the daytime and not see the sun! If you are visible then I'm going to look!

The Jean Model

I know it's your job to show us the jeans and how they are SUPPOSE to fit, however, I would like to ask you if you could put a disclaimer out. Thank you! It could be a simple disclaimer like "Muffin tops need not order or buy".

Last but not least, my favorite jean in the world!

THE CURVY FIT!

I don't know about you, but i love these jeans. I'm a size 4 or 6 (depending on the cut of the jean) and when I got my first pair from Express, I was in love. They fit so nice around my waist and my hinepots!

In case you haven't heard of curvy jeans, let me explain. They are made for women with hips and a backside, they may or may not stretch so I advise trying them on. I only get my jeans from Express, so I tried on the size 6 and they fit so well. My ass was lifted to new heights and i had room for my thighs and my waist.

Depending on the time of the month, I have little to no muffin topage. I recommend these jeans for the curvy women. I'll explain the difference between curvy and obese another time I don't feel like being bothered.

Anyway, I love them! I can't say enough about them. I'm quite bootylicious (which is my theme song by the way! Thanks B!) and so they accentuate my tail just perfectly. They come in boot cut as well, but not skinny or low rise. I don't look for low rise or skinny because I wear neither.

Here are my suggestions for skinny, bootcut, low rise, curvy jeans. So ladies, please take a good long look in a full length mirror and see if any of these apply to you be for you go shopping.

Skinny wearers are: Slim, mostly stick type, thin framed, small to no build; size zero to size 6 thin width

Low Rise wearers are: Slim to medium frame, stick to slightly curvy, small to medium build, have a flat tummy, not prone to muffin tops (menstrual cycles are excluded); size zero to 6, thin to thick width

Curvy wearers are: Medium to slightly large frame, medium to big thighs, medium to thick waisted, have a nice size backside, prone to muffin tops and need coverage; size 4 to 10, thick width

Please wear your jeans according to your body type, not according to the latest fashion!