Fashion War I


Over the years, I’ve seen my fair share of fashion atrocities committed against man/womankind! We had the painful brasseries, men with their jock straps and tighty whities. Lest we forget the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, gone are the bobby socks, space suits and Aqua Net. The nineties brought about the advent of hats with holes cut out the top for ponytails, baseball shirts and can we not forget the riding boots?

In the new century, I haven’t seen anything that would suggest we are getting better with the fashion and what we chose to wear. Earlier in this decade, I’ve seen something’s that make me want to write to congress and ask them to employ fashion police in every state of the union. I’m an advocate of being different, setting you apart from everyone else.

I also believe in stepping outside the box, but some folk have never stepped into the box, let alone try to get out of it. We’ve seen in this decade, excess. More excess than in the 80’s; no decade can top the 70’s but I believe that this new century can truly compete with the past fashion disasters.

I’ve seen teeny tiny clothes on big whalelephants (across between a whale and an elephant), knowing full well they should have been arrested by security for buying outfits so small we can see every roll and stretch mark on their big asses! I’ve seen colors on people that do not belong. You can’t be, pardon the phrase, Crunchy Black with hazel contacts in your eyes. You weren’t born that way, it’s not original. I take that back, it is original. . .originally ridiculous!

Now, with the invention of hair in every hue possible, I’ve seen blue braids, hot pink braids. A combination of red, white and blue braids, and I believe that half these chicks can’t even tell you how to spell bicentennial; let alone tell you the history of this country. As long as they are different with a “patriotic” flair thrown in, who cares?

I’ve recently seen the short skirts, the ruffle ones that leave just enough fabric to cover your ass. The kind that you see girls constantly pulling down as if some material is going to, well, materialize! I really hate that skirt, as a fashion mistake, it ranks up there with the two side split skirt only the super obese seem to love wearing. They are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but on the fashion scale it’s a HELL NO on my list.

What happen to being ladylike? Since when did individuality become collateral damage because you want to wear the latest Sean John outfit? Tell the young men to pull their pants up and stop walking around like they have dookie in their pants.

Since when did self respect become an acceptable fashion casualty because you want to look like Melyssa Ford or 50 cent? 50 cent don’t look like 50 cent all the time, find out how he dresses when he’s just plain old Curtis.

Dressing with respect for yourself, and still looking classy with it is a talent that most young teens don’t wish to have. They think it’s nerdish or “old people-ish” because they are trying to give into peer pressure.

When I was their age, I wanted to wear the riding boots with the leggings and baseball shirt. I wanted to wear whatever Mary J., Salt N Peppa, Mariah Carey, and Whitney Houston were wearing. It’s only natural, but at some point you have to start figuring out who you want to be.

Now even Mariah’s naked! Toni Braxton, uhh. . .next! Mary got abs of steel and even Oprah isn’t looking all grandma-ish (actually that depends on the occasion)!

My great-grandmother told me back when I was in my black stage, heading into my formative years a hoochie dresser, to have some “mystery” because “men love when a woman doesn’t show all she has. It gives him something to look forward to.”

I’ve tried it the “other” way for a while, and realized that she was right (what grandmother is ever wrong, especially the great ones?) and started dressing with some respect and decorum.

Now, I’ve realized that I can dress classy and be sexy. Sexy isn’t the same as tawdry or chickenhead-ish. Cheap, easy, sleazy and skeezy isn’t the way a young woman should dress.

I swear these parents nowadays don’t teach their children anything. And before you start rolling your eyes and neck, saying “I do teach my child, she don’t know me!” Well, if you are EDUCATING your child, I’m NOT talking to you. If you are letting your child dress like it’s perpetually Halloween, because you too dress like your lights were out during the winter solstice; you can get mad, what are you going to do? Change your thinking?

Nope!

Good parents, responsible parents who are raising their kids to be respectable members of society we sometime forget that the way they dress also play a role in their future. Keep the boys pants up with a belt, find white tees that fit them and not look like rolled up bed sheets. Ladies, compliment YOUR frame with clothing and accessories that will make you stand out from the crowd. Kids, put your best foot forward at all times, if you want to be treated as an individual, don’t look like everyone else!