NutriSystem Commercial

"Wow, I can't believe it! I'm a size two!" Every time I hear that, I instantly turn the tv to another channel; I don't care what the channel is, I just don't want to hear that commercial. I think NutriSystem is the most flawed diet program outside of sticking your finger down your throat.

You spend money on buying food, but you're not taught how to eat responsibly. Now, if you're a NutriSystem junkie, please feel free to set the record straight. I don't hear how and I've been on the website, not once do I hear or see anything about responsible eating. What do you do if you go off NutriSystem? Is it set up to make you dependable on them to make sure you lose the weight?

You're spending three hundred dollars or more for a month worth of food, all your meals are planned; breakfast, lunch and dinner. You get desert as well. All frozen, even desert. The last time I checked; reheated eggs don't taste too well. What are you being taught on the program? Can you ween yourself off the program and learn to cook on your own?

Why not do the sensible stuff, more fruits and veggies; cut out all the unnecessary carbs, drink more water and eat smaller portions. Why spend hundreds of dollars to do that?

Why are you so damn lazy, but are willing to have someone do it for you? You can get a maid for that much and have her make your food for you. If you knew how to grocery shop, you wouldn't need NutriSystem. They're only sending you what you can get with a coupon and a bonus card, but just too damn lazy to take the time to find what you need that's healthy.

I'm tired of this huzzy telling me she's a size two because she got comped by the company to promote their product. I'll eat it to if it's free, send me three hundred dollars worth of free food and I'll eat until the end of time.

I think that NutriSystem is a flawed system and not worth the money.

If You Wear a lot of Perfume/Cologne, Please See Your Doctor

We have this temp that I'm close to cussing out, now she's not my temp but she's in the accounting department which is next door to me. They ran out of room to put temps (even though they have a spare room) and they stick this broad in my area.

Now, I've had run ins with her trying to get into my business; she's the type that if you're talking to someone else that you know and have a report with will jump in UN-ASKED with a response. That type, she's asked me questions like "Where you going for lunch?" like I know her like that. She got mad when I said "Who are you?" Must I remind her that she's a fucking temp? When you holla when you speak remember you don't know me!

I think they waited until I went home sick yesterday to move her stanking ass over to our WORK SPACE; not meant as a permanent work area. If we are doing a big job, use the back desk, that's what it's designed for; don't send Dayshanaira back there with her Ode de Funkette sitting behind me.

She funked the place up so bad my co-worker got nauseous. When she comes to work with "Good morning, I hear there's a problem with my perfume" I was about to fire her up until my co-worker say "Dia, umm can you go and check for faxes please."

I get back to my desk and she ask me if I'm still stick; I'm sounding like I'm rapping Juicy, so I say, "Yes, sick or no sick I'm sensitive to strong smells. I can smell what someone's had for lunch down to the pepper. So strong perfume won't cut it here" You know she had the audacity to respond with "Aww, that's so unfortunate!"

Woooo she got lit into something terribly. I don't understand why people insist on dousing themselves in their perfume or cologne. Why does she need to re-perfume herself when she goes to the bathroom? WHO RE-PERFUME themselves? I've never heard of such a thing until today.

What is so wrong with taking yourself to the doctor? I know some folk have strong body odor, but you've been living with for umpteen years and the only solution is to re-perfume yourself every three hours?

We won't even talk about going into the bathroom after someone woman with a clear booty problem just left; some 'cilin will clear that up for anyone if they just make a doctors appointment. BITCH YOU STINK!

You don't know how many times I've called for a janitor to come clean the bathroom. I work with some trifling asses and they see nothing wrong with it. "Let me just put some spray on it, or let me perfume myself no one will know." Yeah right you funky ass heifer, I know you got something!

Hopefully they will move her, because I would really hate to make her life a living nightmare; but if she tests me one more time, it'll be unfortunate.

JUSTIN MIGHT BE MINE!

Rumor has it that JT and Cameron broke up, so he might be back on the market. Let me get my dress and heels ready so I can meet Mr. Homelessville! I was wondering if they would get married or if he would realize that he needs to move on.

Cameron's a nice young lady, but I'm better! Okay so I'm delusional, but hey; so what!

Apparently she spent Christmas with her family and he spent Christmas with his family, now this is all reported by Spin or Star magazine; so If you believe this, I have a stable in Brooklyn to sell you dirt cheap.

Okay back to regular news.

Happy New Year

I hope everyone had a happy and safe new years celebration, I watched the mister get drunk out his skull which annoyed the hell out of me. Not that he got drunk, but I had to drive him home and listen to him earl in the bathroon; I guess that's what they call love. I call it a pain in the ass!

I'm back on the No White Stuff with Avin and the gang, and I'm dying a slow and painful food death. I'm going to make it, just miss my food! Well not all of it, just the important stuff like, umm CHOCOLATE!

I have a question, that I'm sure has never dawned on anyone yet. Why do people ask me if I had a good new year? Why not ask me if I had a good New Year's celebration? My new year is only three days old, and so it's hard to determine if it's good or not yet. I had a wonderful time celebrating the new year. Anywho, that was my "things that make you go humm" moment.

I don't like to do resolutions for the new year, they never last for more than a day; and they are always stupid. "I promise not to cuss so much" well that's a lie, because I usually forget and start cussing someone out on Jan 1st. Me and resolutions never work out too well.

This is one is a short one today, I might post again later. Actually, I don't really feel like typing too much right now. Get at your later!

HI, MY NAME IS MISS USA, AND I'M A COKE HEAD!

I don't think that I'll ever understand "important" people and why they seem to enjoy screwing up a good thing, when the everyday folk like myself can never catch a break. Miss USA, the worst self-esteem contest of the ages seems to turn out the most baffling news stories. We had Vanessa Williams posing naked for playboy, who turned out a mediocre vocal career and now we have Tara Connor drugging, screwing, partying and drinking in NYC.

Her country bumpkin ass never saw the bright lights of NYC and got caught up in the nightlife and don't know how to act. Sneaking boys into her Trump Plaza apartment, kissing Miss Teen USA and just acting a pure fool.

So, I wonder if The Donald's going to say "YOU'RE FIRED" or find some other way to give her the boot. How is he going to find his next wife, if you're acting a fool? Did she not realize that her every moved would be monitored? Did she take a drug test before she tried out for Miss USA, and what made her think she wouldn't take subsequent drug tests?

What does Tara have as a plan B? At least 'Nessa had a side hustle, not a good one but she did pretty well for herself. Tara can't marry rich, because Anna Nicole married Jesus' great-grandfather and he just died finally, Donald hasn't finished with his 8th wife and Bill Gates don't want to part from his money if he divorce Melinda.

The best she can do is be a mistress, or a video dancer. She can do her talk show circuit and take her ass back to the bluegrass state and talk about her wild days in the big city. She had it made, for a year she had a place to stay she didn't have to pay for. She had all the "part-time" fame only a good 15 minutes can bring. She didn't really have to work, but get paid waving and smiling. She had it made, and her dumb ass ruined it. She can't follow directions too well, and just ruined it.

Now, I guess she'll be a teller at a bank or maybe she can take up banjo picking. Whatever they do in Kentucky. OOH, I know! She can work at White Castles! Hey, Tara, can you ship some here, because I have a man who loves that crap.

Anyway, start singing Green Acres, cause good bye city life. You idiot!

TIME TO LOSE THE WEIGHT!

This will probably be my last blog before the New Years, so let me try and end this right. I'M FAT! Not, "Oooh, girl you got a body" fat, I mean "Please back away from the plate, put the fork down and walk slowly to the gym and nobody gets hurt" fat!

I'm used to eating my weight in food during the holidays, but oh my goodness gracious I feel like Petuna Pig and this must stop. I put on some; okay so I ATTEMPTED to put on some jeans the other day and let's just say my thighs were border patrol and my jeans tried to sneak into the country. . .they immediately got halted and had to turn around and go back into the closet.

Of course as I'm writing this, I'm planning a New Years party with food! I eat on Thanksgiving, my birthday weekend, Christmas and New Years; so needless to say my hips has spread like SARS and there's not a vaccine in sight!

Did I fail to mention I have a wedding dress to fit into? Well I do, so I have from January 1 to August to get it together. I don't want to be a fat bride, I don't want to be fat period!

So, I'm throwing out all my food and I'll be hitting the No White stuff with Avin and possibly The Make Up Girl. I'm sure that I'll NEED to blog to get my mind off food and so I won't be at home snapping at folk.

I feel like "Weird" Al, and I need to be singing "I'm Fat". I don't wanna be skinny like I need a treatment center, but I don't want to look like Aretha Franklin either. I love food, but I don't need to love it that much.

I'm not an emotional eater, well if it's good then I do get emotional about the deliciousness. However, I don't eat when I'm mad or depressed or when I'm happy; unless I'm celebrating. My eating is an equal opportunity process, but when I do eat around the holidays it's alot of food.

We family hop, my mother's, his parents, grandparents, etc. so we're always eating. Holiday parties at work, my birthday. . .just random plates of food.

I try to do all those "tips" for holiday eating, but that shit don't work. Who in their right mind wants to eat an apple unless it has a flaky crust around it with Cool Whip? I do make sure I get my veggies in, and I drink plenty of water. My plates however look like the leaning tower of Pisa, I'm telling you this madness needs to stop.

So, no bread, no pasta, no rice. More water, more rest, more exercise. Time to break out the healthy cookbooks and work this out and off!

I'll keep you posted.

Billboard Awards

I watched that travesty of a music award show last night and was extremely disappointed. They had random ass talking, and what I think was a 10 second delay, why? Because 7 seconds wasn't long enough, and leave it to the rappers on stage instead of saying "And the nominees are. . .", they start talking about screwing the chicks from "The Girls Next Door", it's really bad when Chingy say "What are we talking about?" We won't discuss Flava Flav!

Gwen please stop singing that damn yodeling song, it's positively dreadful (yes, I got it from Simon). Pharrell needs to be arrested for a noise violation for that mess. I'm glad that Beyonce wasn't rolling around on the floor or singing her nursery rhyme, in fact she wasn't even there. T.I. if you're going to continue to hang out with Tiny from the defunct singing group Xscape, please let her see a dentist, because her grill isn't sexy. Maybe to you, but you're from the south so nevermind.

Mary, as much as I can and do appreciate your music, I have one thing to say. STOP THE FUCKING SCREAMING! It turns into a scream feast everytime she gets a microphone, and it's getting to the point you can tell when it's coming. Geez, the speakers on my tv are on the verge of going out everytime she starts screaming.

Why didn't they have anyone more interesting perform? The only performance of the night was Luda and the gang, and although he's a good rapper (and not bad to look at, hush Avin!) I would have liked to have seen more acts perform. Not just rappers or r&b singers but someone else.

So I'm wondering if they are taking the Billboard awards seriously anymore. Based on last night, I wouldn't either.

IN BABY NEWS

Madonna is at again, she's trying to adopt another baby from Malawi. I'm not sure if I blogged what I felt about the first adoption, but here you go.

Dear Madonna,

I understand that you're again trying to adopt a baby from Malawi, and that now Guy Ritchie has decided to borrow some nuts and put his foot down. Not that you'll listen but it's the effort that counts. I would like you to step away from this one, and just go and raise your other kids.

The Malawi government doesn't want you taking their children back to your castle, leave them alone. Work on your marriage because Guy's not happy right now, between baby snatching and your Kabbalah; it's taking a toll on the poor man. I don't think you want to lose him, remember the last man you had Carlos Leon and where's he now? Playing a drunk on all 42 Law and Orders.

I'm not sure what you're trying to prove by adopting babies from poor countries, unless you're trying to out do Angelina and Brad. Honey, give it up, to be honest they're a more likeable couple than you are alone in your quest to rescue poor babies from African countries. They've already got this thing on lock, so you can't be a copy cat that's not a good look for 2007.

If you really wanna follow their footsteps you would at least have an affair with a handsome male married actor, and pretend to NOT be a couple and then have his baby. At least you'll be villified but since he's cute you can get a pass.

Honestly M, you should just let it go. I mean if you really want to adopt poor black babies, go to Compton or NYC. . shoot go down to Tuscaloosa and get you a baby. At least heed my advice and be your own woman, not Angelina.

Sincerely,

Copy Cat Management

Rosie, SHUT UP!

I'm so glad I'm not at home watching that cow party in the name of The View, and I don't know if Rosie was a better choice than Starr and I personally don't care for either one. That show has gone downhill faster than a coked up movie star and I'm really shocked and appalled that grown ass women act like this. Barbara Walters, I at least thought was more professional and maturer than what I've heard and seen from the clips on the view. Oh, don't make this seem like I'm backing Starr Jones, because I'm not; I could give a damn about her, and she's one of the reasons why the show started its decline to me at least.

Now, Rosie's in her spot and let the hen feast begin. She tried to call Kelly Ripa out on being a homophobe when Clay Aiken put his hand on her mouth. First let me say, unless I've been living under a rock, Clay has not come out the closet so where did she get the "Kelly's homophobic" from if she doesn't or didn't know the man was gay? Now she wants she and her lover to live with Shittney Spears so she can teach the girl some family values. From who? Rosie, I think not, and it's not because she's gay but because she has no sense of reality.

I wish she would try and come in my house and want to "teach me family values" and I'll teach her the value of an ass whooping! The View or ABC need to tighten the reigns on these horses, they sit on stage and want to pass judgment on everyone like their lives are so perfect, and it's just sickening.

What makes it worst, I used to think of Barbara Walters as one of the journalism gods, but now I don't feel that way anymore. She's a pioneer, but I no longer have the same respect for her; she just seem to act as immature as the rest of them. If Oprah or Katie Couric start acting like that, please commit me to the nearest sanitarium.

I can't believe there are housewives/husbands at home watching this cluck party everyday. So glad I'm at work.

American Music Awards

Tonight is the night for awards, performances and a tantrum from Kayne West. American music is being honored tonight, host Jimmy Kimmel will I hope be marginally funny. I think they were better off getting someone else, but I'll give him a try. Of course, I'll watch this show tonight with some trepidation; why you ask? Well because of the following:

Mariah will be naked, Jay and B will AGAIN for the 50-11th time perform together (I think, and pray not), B will roll around on the floor like a Swiffer. I won't understand a word those rock guys are saying, and Jimmy Kimmel is the host. Kayne is nominated but let's see what fly out the jaws of life if he doesn't win.

I would like to ask why in the name of all that's sacred is Keyshia Cole's nominated for anything but hoodrat of the year? I'm not a Beyonce fan, I like her but you won't see me acting a fool over her; but I'm vexed as to why she's not nominated but Keyshia Cole's is. I'm scratching my head off that one!

I would like the awards folk to adopt a few rules:

(1) If you're not there to accept your award, then you can't win. Except in cases of your baby's sick, you're sick or you had a death in the family. Just because you're working on your album or on tour, that's not an excuse.

(2) Only have the artist that is winning the award on stage! We don't need all of their relatives on stage giving shout outs. If you did not actually sing on the album, sit your ass in the audience and be happy you don't have to sit in the overflow room screaming like everyone else.

(3) Give the mic only to the ones who contributed to the record they are performing. I don't want to hear the hype man yelling over the rapper/singer who actually put work into the album and deserve his/her moment to shine.

(4) Stop giving them gift baskets, taxes or no taxes that shit ain't right. They make millions, give the money you would spend on gift baskets to charity or to a music in school program.

(5) Please go over the "thank yous" before they get on stage. Most of them haven't either graduated from high school or have a good grasp of the english language; and since my tv doesn't have subtitles for "what the hell did she just say?", please make sure it's legible and audiable before they talk.

These are just a few things, I wanted to point out. I'll be back tomorrow with a wrap up of the show. Happy Watching!

I'M TIRED OF BEING NICE. . .SAY HELLO TO THE WICKED BITCH OF EAST!

I have tried it for about two years now, and I tell you being nice ain't where it's at anymore. I'm reinventing myself and the bitch all at the same time. And before you get your Hanes in a bunch and start talking about how rap music calls women that all the time and it's yada yada yada, let me tell you know to stop reading my blog and go fuck yourself!

I'll call myself whatever I want, and for the record if you've been reading; you'll know I'm not too fond of today's rap music. Anywho, I'm taking a stand! I'm tired of not being listened to when I'm nicer, and I can no longer take feeling like an idiot because I'm trying to let shit ride and understand how things are going. I'M STARTING A MUTINY ON BEING NICE!

I was trying this out to see how it fits and it fits like a small pair of draws and I'm on my cycle; needless to say you get the point! So, from now on, I'm not taking your shit anymore you hear me? Don't ask me for shit, don't ask me why I can't be approached and don't ask me basically for a damn thing!

No, Mr. Dia didn't dump me, and no I'm not turning into Bridezilla (I think I'd get gone by my bridal party), I'm just fed up and I can't take it no more. Let me sit on my side of the floor and listen to my radio while I work. No, I don't want to go to lunch, and we ain't fucking homies!

You hear me numbnuts? I'm not being nice anymore, satisfied now? Leave me alone and let me be, I think it'll be better if you just not talk to me right now. I'm liable to say some shit I won't regret, but you think I'd ought to.

Oh, stop taking yourself so seriously, you think you smelling roses but it's only your bullshit!

Have a Wonderful Day!

TAKE OFF THE SUNSHADES!

I have been dying for a while now to make a blog about sunglasses, maybe I did and don't remember. Oh well, read again!

I'm walking back from getting my eyebrows done, and it's a gray day outside; what do I see? Someone wearing sunshades like it's a balmy 85 degrees outside! Why does that bother me, you ask? Because sunglasses, sunshades are for that SUN! Don't come to the club in your sunshades on, unless you have Transitions don't wear your shades when it's gray and cloudy outside; please don't think you're that important.

I swear these regular folk can't turn the videos and movies off for nothing, can't be original enough to think of common sense shit like "Oh wow, it's raining outside damn the umbrella let me get my sunglasses!" My future's bright too and that I need to wear shades, but let's be serious are you mocking tv and movies? SAY, "YES, I AM!"

Is that what you aspire to? What's going to happen to your eyesight when you get older and your eyes haven't had proper light?

So anyway I'm done with that, in other news!

TAKE OFF THE DAMN OPEN TOE SHOES!

You get two for one today, it must either be your birthday or I just felt like typing. Well, if it's the latter it's to take my mind off of catching my son's cold. I should ground him until I feel better, but I think that would be bad parenting. Anywho boo, let's talk shoes!

I love shoes, I have shoes I haven't worn yet; but what fries my pickle are open toe shoes between the middle of September until early April. Ladies, ladies, ladies! Let's dish!

Firstly, it's a no no! Secondly, stop looking at the models in clothing magazines, trust and believe that one they're in a studio so wearing OTS is okay to pose in and if they are not they are getting paid big bucks into tricking you to believe that it's okay for your toes to look like frozen vienna sausages!

Your head and feet need to be covered during the cold months because they keep your body insulated! Maybe you're always cold like me, or maybe you have some common sense but I can not fathom the notion of getting all dolled up for an event and buying OTS. Avin's going to an industry thing for her job, and if she came to me and said, "Dia, these shoes are the bomb and they're open toed" I would have drop kicked her ass back to the store so she can take them back!

You can look so cute in a nice holiday outfit with closed-in shoes, you do not need to suffer and make your toes freeze for fashion! Please cover your feet this season!

Dear Kanye,

Why do you insist on making folk not like you? I'm not sure where you're going with the he-bitching you're doing, but it's about time you stop it.

Touch the Sky was a nice video, and I don't give a damn if you had Pam Anderson screwing Anna Nicole on film, there are others out there better than you. I know you can't believe that it's true, but let me set the record straight for you. . .YOU'RE NOT THE GREATEST!

You make some songs that are nice, and I guess you can call College Dropout a nice record; but K-DUB seriously, give it up. Stop acting as if you invented hip hop, because you didn't! You can't honestly believe that you'll win every award, and please don't think or stop thinking that you are obligated to win an award based on who's on the album or in the video. I would rather see Jay and Dale Jr. than you're smarmy ass and Pam's half naked ass on my TV.

Practically after every award show, the news reports of you bitching and whining. Crying like a kid who's trust fund got snatched and they're fucking for dollars! You really need to get a grip, stop taking yourself that seriously. I'm not sure who's gassing your head up, but they need to stop playing with themselves and lying to you! I hope you're not screwing them, because you're getting a raw deal!

Act like a man, be a man or follow someone who is a man and emulate them. Because you are truly acting like you need to be on pre-school playground, whining and shit. "Ms. Thomas, they won't let me win an award" *cue falling out and crying* Dumb ass, can't be humble to save you!

So in the end, I hope that you can find your nuts you keep losing them around award time. All that estrogen isn't good for you, makes you moody and unstable! Some prune juice will help you let the shit go easier and faster than going at it alone!

Have a good day,

D

My First Flight Across Country

Only I would have to travel across the country for the first time for work! Normally, you wouldn't catch me making plan reservations to visit some city with a three hour time difference than where I live now. Where did I have to go? Seattle, Washington!

Now, Seattle's not a bad city actually. I would have liked to seen more of the suburbs and do more than hang around downtown Seattle, but I wasn't there to play. I don't think I'll be going back to visit, but it's still a nice city from what I was able to see.

Let me tell you, you need MONEY to shop there. Not just money, but M-O-N-E-Y to shop there and I'm a shopper, but I was out of my league there. Furla, D&G, Cavalli, etc., you get where I'm going with those names right? Duckets, cash, dolla dolla bill ya'll. . .all that shit!

They have their own Fifth Avenue, for real it's called Fifth Avenue. I've never been on the Fifth Ave in NYC, so going across the country to a Fifth Ave is retarded! I'm no Paris Hilton (money wise, let's not talk about her as a person, 'kay?), so to walk into a Norstrom with a Chanel department made me a tad uncomfortable!

They have a lot of young homeless kids there, more than I've seen here in DC. They are harmless and hang around their cliques, but they do ask for money. Some could be runaways, and others could be on that stuff and got thrown out by their parents. You kind of feel sorry for them, and it makes you grateful for what you have.

IF I SEE ANOTHER DUNGENESS CRAB I'MMA FIGHT! I WANT REAL CRABS! They had no blue crabs, and I was getting pissed! Now, I want some crabs!

Anyway, Seattle's a nice place. Lot's of shops, and I love shopping at stores they don't have a home; same with my food! If you like to travel across the country and never been there, I would recommend it.

Thanks for the hospitality Seattle, I hope you can put my money to use; since I gave you almost all of it!

Here's Your E-Hug, Ben!

I've been feeling so sorry for the NFL's Big Ben, I'm sending him this letter.



Dear Ben,

Your year started out on a high, you won the Super Bowl and went to Disney World. It just seems like now you can't catch a break if you threw it yourself. Your accident, appendix and now concussions; my heart goes out to you. You're such a great player, but I think you fell into that Super Bowl curse.

You need to take a long nap, and regroup. It's not your fault though, but still every report I've heard all year has made me say, "Damn!" In the words of my homey MC Hammer, "Don't give up, never quit. Because, you're too legit to quit!"

If it wasn't for bad luck, you'd have none at all. It can only get better for you, homey. I mean look on the bright side, you could have Whine-O (better known as T.O.) cussing you out on the sidelines!

Here's a hug to you Benny, and hopes for a great 2007!

Dia

ANGRY WAL-MART CUSTOMER

This is my warning for any of you who shop at Wal-Mart. It's been years since I shopped at Wal-Mart because I was very turned off at the way they treat their employees, and the stores that I'd frequent looked like a swap meet meets yard sale. The aisles weren't neat and orderly, or they were too small to squeeze a cart through. You'd have 50 people waiting to be serviced and only three open registers.

I decided to give them another chance, and ordered a bedroom set for my children from them. Also, I didn't want to pay for the set directly with cash, so I used my Bill-Me-Later account (who will get this blog mailed to them and also Wal-Mart) to pay for it later. That was a big mistake, I should have just toughed it out at a more reputable store. I'll discuss UPS' role in this mess (and they will also get this blog as well) at a later date.

I get the bed set in a timely manner which was what initally impressed me, and thought that Wal-Mart were stepping up to improve its customer relations. I've been in customer service for the past 12 years, and so I know what good service is. For me to be impressed with Wal-Mart took a lot, because of my reasons for no longer buying my goods from them. However, it went downhill QUICKLY from the time I got the order.

Let me tell you exactly what I ordered. I ordered two mates beds in Honey Oak and the matching chest of drawers for my two sons' room. The beds also have three drawers underneath which along with the chest, makes for excellent storage space. Plus, it's cooler than your "normal" bed with a headboard. The honey oak color matched perfectly with their pea green wall coloring. So, anyway back to my story.

Me and my fiance, put together the chest just fine. So we open the box to one of the beds, and the color is "Pure White", did I mention pure white in my description? Heck no, I said honey oak. I was upset, but thought both of them were "Pure White". WRONG AGAIN! One was white and one was the correct honey oak color I ordered.

I sighed, discussed it with the mister and we both decided we'd send the wrong bed back and get a the correct order. Both invoices said "Honey Oak" so what moron sent me the wrong bed, I have no damn idea! Yes, I'm getting pissed! So, I call Wal-Mart's customer service number, thinking "Well, they'll send out another one and have UPS come pick up this one." Gotdamn, I'm tired of expecting shit from corporations, because the consumers are always screwed in the end. Ask me if I give a shit if Wal-Mart takes offense to this!

Anywho, UPS calls me Columbus Day, Monday to tell me that they are picking up the item between 8am and 7pm; yeah, the eleven hour window sucks majorly. So we leave the box outside with a note as instructed by the computerized voice UPS called me with. We run our errands, come home and the box is still out there. Well, about 715 that night, I hear the UPS truck coming and I looked out the window. I said to my honey, "UPS is here" since the box is so heavy, he was going to help him carry it out to the truck.

We are looking at this bastard sit out on the truck and roll out, not once did he knock on the door or leave a damn note. So, I leave it out on Tuesday and no one came to get it. I call Wal-Mart and the CSR tells me that UPS attempted to pick it up on Monday, I told him that was bullshit! That UPS driver lied and never attempted to pick it up, he sat his lazy ass on that truck and put that he made an attempt when he know good and hell well he did not!

I would make this short, but since I'm sending this to several people; including some news outlets that would probably love to hear how Wal-Mart yet jerks off another customer, I want to make this very accurate.

I come home Tuesday night and there is that damn box, meanwhile my youngest son is sleeping on a mattress with no bed. I call Wal-Mart, explain the situation and let them know I'm very disgruntled with their services. Of course they don't care, but I needed to get that off my chest. They get in contact with UPS who told them to tell me that they'll make a delivery pick up attempt that night. Well, they didn't. I waited up to 11 that night, before I realized they lied to me again.

Wednesday, I call again. Yes, again I got the run around. Here's our customer service works at my job, just so you can know what I was expecting. If the customer made a mistake and wants to "trade" what they received for what they want and the prices are the same; we'll ask them to ship the order back before they received what they want. If we made the mistake, we'll express to them the correct order WHILE the mistake's in transit.

Wal-Mart told me they have to get the order back before they send out another one, and that's not fair because I'm paying for their mistake. The policy is flawed, because my five year old is sleeping on a mattress and not enjoying the luxury of sleeping in a bed like his older brother. It wouldn't matter which one I gave the bed to, it's still unfair of Wal-Mart to have that scam of a return policy.

Back to Wednesday, again, I get the run around; and I get placed on hold while they talk to UPS. I repeat my story of how that lying ass UPS driver didn't attempt to do shit but get paid, I guess they were making sure I was telling the truth. You think I want some crap I didn't order? "I do apologize for your troubles.. . . " Here's what I want you to do: DON'T TALK ABOUT HOW SORRY YOU ARE, SEND OUT MY RIGHT GOTDAMN BED!

UPS calls me Thursday morning to tell me that someone will be out between 10am and 4pm to pick up the order. Guess what's in the hallway when I get home? THAT PAIN IN THE ASS OF A BOX!!!! I immediately get on the phone with Wal-Mart and this time I'm talking to a manager, no offense to the CSR's but I want some answers NOW!

The manager was polite and put me in conference with UPS, and I told them again my story. The same story for the whole week, I'm frustrated and angry. I'm getting the run around and get some bullshit ass "I apologize". The manager tells me that once the box is scanned they'll send out another bed and they won't wait for it to get back. Which is a damn lie because I called Wal-Mart just now and the CSR told me that they have to wait until the package is scanned into WAL-MART's system before I get my correct order.

They lied to me and I don't appreciate that shit at all. So, back to my original reason for not shopping at Wal-Mart and add this mess to it. I'm being punished for their mistake, they sent me the wrong bed and they're acting as if I'm in the wrong.

Now, a week later, my son is still on a mattress and no bed. That manager lied to me, even if he didn't tell me out right; he still lied by omission and now I'm on a warpath over a bed!

I'm sick of it, I want to pay my bill and never shop there again! I'm telling any and everyone with some clout and without, not to ever shop their again! Their service is absolutely terrible and it's unforgiveable.

Please spend the extra money and shop some where else, because as they roll back the prices they roll back the service as well. You get the service you pay for at Wal-Mart.

I NEED AN ASSISTANT. . .STAT!

If I have another training session, I'm going to lose it. In case you don't know, or care to remember; they gave me a new position at work and I have to be trained on it. That's no problem, but tell me why you block out two hours at a time? Do you really think I'm an idiot? Do you think your job's that involved that I can't grasp the concept of what it is you do? How about a resounding "NO, YOU ASS" on both questions!

So, before Avin and TheMakeUpGirl start sending me death threat IM's "post or else" type shit, I'm busy! Not to mention my job's annual meeting is coming up, so I'll have plenty to post about. I'll try to sneak in the Fall Trends Part 2 post before I leave. If not, I'm sure you all will be okay!

So, I apologize in advance for not posting recently and in the very near future!

Fashion Fall Must Have, Part 1

Hey ladies, the weather outside is getting frightful; and what better way to stay toasty and warm? Okay, besides next to a hunk of a man. . .SHOP! That's right, go shopping and do it proud!

In my first of six installments, I'm giving you the low down on the trends for Fall 2006. I do agree that these trends aren't for everyone, and I'm not a die-hard trend follower but if you are, pay close attention.

The Bubble!

No, not the backside of a woman, it's the newest trend for fall. Not a man in a bubble or bubble guns, this particular style "rounds" out at the waist and then follows a tapered form at the bottom. Not my favorite style trend, but I'm sure one of you would love to wear a bubble.

As you can see in this Badgley Mischka outfit, the skirt is poufy around her waist and it tapers off around her kneecaps at the bottom. They are not just exclusive to skirts, dresses and coats are also bubbled this year.

There are several pros to this type of style: one, you can hide your imperfections especially if you experience your most unsexy moments. If you're working on your shape and isn't that confident yet this could be for you. However the con is, it can make you look a tad bit too wide or heavy and if you do have a sexy body you can't see your shape in this type of style.

Of course, not all bubbles are created equal. Bubbles can be small or large, but please don't wear this!

Dress Gorgeous!

Photos courtesy of Style.com

HER CRAZY ASS IS AT IT AGAIN!

I was reading MSNBC online (which is really good reads if you must know), and that damn 'runaway bride' Jennifer Wilbanks is at it again. In case you don't remember, this is the nutjob that faked her own kidnapping days before her lavish wedding to her fiance John Mason and ended up in New Mexico only to say "oops, I lied". After the whole country was looking for her, feeling sorry for her finace; I know I said, "that's a shame, who would take her before her wedding day? poor guy, I know he's devestated." Only to find out this dumb ass lied!

So, what's the latest you ask? Well, she's suing her former fiance for $500,000. $250,000 as her share of a home Mason purchased through the partnership with proceeds from $500,000 received for selling their story to an agent, plus $250,000 in punitive damages for allegedly abusing the power of attorney she granted for him to handle their financial affairs, according to Atlanta television station WAGA, which reported on the lawsuit Monday night. (courtesy of MSNBC.com)

I wouldn't pay her no mind or half a million, I can't believe a judge is actually going to listen to this case. That man suffered wondering what happen to her, then to find out she didn't want to marry him. To find out your fiance doesn't want to marry you is one thing; but to have it newsworthy is so humilating. If I was John I would tell that broad in the words of my homey Jay-Z: "Tell to take that lawsuit and drop it like it's hawwttttt" and crip walk my ass out of court.

Oprah and Gayle's Big Adventure

I've been watching and actually hooked on the Tuesday installments of O and G's quest across the country. It's been so funny to watch Miss Billion Dollar Oprah, sleep in hotels we wouldn't sleep in or would sleep in. She had no idea how us "real world" folk schlep it everyday.

In case you don't watch O, let me get you up to speed. O and her best pal Gayle decided to drive from her house in California to the Tony's in NYC. She wanted to see the country in a Chevrolet, and so it's O and Gayle in the car, with her staff and camera folk in mini vans behind her. She still gets her work outs in, even though she's eating everything that decadant she can get her hands on. Chris, her trainer, who is decadant himself and I want to get my hands on; is just vetoing all her "guilty food" requests, but she eats them anyway.

The first stop was Vegas, and they couldn't find the way to the hotel registration; for some reason they wanted to check in like us commoners. Oprah doesn't like to ride in the car with music, she likes to be with her thoughts. Umm, Oprah Gayle Winfrey, I love being with my thoughts too; and I often drive to work (40 minutes to and fro) with the radio off, however, I can not drive across the country with no music at all. My thoughts can take a break while I get my Jodeci on.

I have two close homey's in Maryland (I have good friends outside of Maryland and didn't want to exclude them) that love to sing. . .TERRIBLY, I might add. I think the reason me and a certain friend (she know who she is) hasn't taking that trip to Cleveland is because she threatened to belt out a Mariah Carey tune for the whole six hours. My other good girlfriend will actually call me at work, singing HORRIBLY!

Gayle is no Crystal Gayle, and she can't carry a tune in a bucket. Bless her heart, I'm a car singing too so I know how it is when that song gets to you and you're really feeling it. I know Oprah wasn't feeling it, and that made it so damn hilarious. To see them just "surprise" people, by just coming to their house to say, "Hi" is so funny. People just start screaming and carrying on.

I know they're the same folk that sit at home and say, "If I ever met Oprah, I wouldn't be jumping up and down screaming like a fool!" Well, needless to say, they reneged on that promise; they hollered like a church revival on a Thursday night. Honestly, I would do the same thing, just be better at playing it off. Okay, so I'm lying!

Could I go across the country with my friends in a car, for days on end? Possibly. Would I want to find out if I could? Not on your life! I love our friendship too much to do that to them. We couldn't make it passed Ohio without trying to put each other out! O and Gayle, I'm sure was tested on their journey; and their friendship I'm sure survived just fine. I, for one, don't have the patience to do something like that.

It's funny to watch them every Tuesday, like a 4pm sitcom. Thank goodness for TiVo! I'll try to update you next Wednesday what happens next.

Wedding Planning

A lot has changed in the month, almost two since I posted a blog. Well Dia's getting hitched, somebody actually got the net out and caught me. Truth be told, I just got tired of running. So, now the fun begins!

I have two natural sisters (I did pray incessantly to be an only child, but alas it wasn't to be), one is upset that she can't be a Maid of Honor, the other's upset because it's not happening to her. She and her boyfriend has been together about the same amount of time that me and Mr. Dia has been together. So she's needless to say jealous/upset/pissed/whatever about me getting married.

I'm a mother of two boys by two different men (neither one I'm marrying), didn't finish college. I was relegated to the role of family screw up, never would amount to anything; you know shit your folk THINK and sometimes slip up and say. I've been called a slut by my mother before, but that's neither here nor there.

Well, Dia cleaned up her acted and now have someone that wants to marry me (don't cry, he's loony. Avin can tell you, the man can't A-Town stomp worth a damn). So folk are jockeying for position, ATTEMPTING to tell me how to run my shit.

I'll call my jealous sister (before I figured out what her problem was) to tell her about my latest wedding issue and she's like "Well, that's not my problem" and hangs up. The pain in the ass sister told me that if she can't be a maid of honor she's not in my wedding. Fun right? Fucking entertaining!

Well, if you knew me you would know that I don't give a damn. I can't care about other folk issues, just put them at arms length and keep it moving. My PIA sister was like "this isn't your wedding, this is the family wedding." WRONG BITCH, THE FAMILY AIN'T PAYING FOR THIS SHIT!

Sometimes, I want to elope. I don't because it wouldn't be fair, and I want my true homegirls there. The Makeup Girl will be making me even more beautiful than I already am. Avin, WHO SHOULD BE THE MOH has been there keeping me sane; if that's possible.

So, I'm straight! So stay tuned this it going to be like Oprah's and Gayle's Big Adventure and shit.