Escaping Family Embarrasment

I think I'm going to be able to dodge my family on my wedding day! Why am I happy, you ask? Well, you read and be the judge.

Let me say that I love my family in spite of somethings, no one's perfect and I would be a complete and total fool if I tried to front like I was perfect. So, with that said. . .let me continue.

My dad is my grandmother's only child (VERY LONG STORY) and so all of my aunts and uncles on my dad side are greats and all my cousins are second and third. Got it! Let's move on.

My dad's side can party and bullshit more than a Biggie album. They will actually and literally drink you under the table. . .AND DON'T LET THE SHIT BE FREE! They will show up in droves to drink and eat up all your shit. They may even fight and be loud like drunks do.

My birthday party they embarrassed me to no end. My cousin got drunk at my mother's house and went to the club and danced with every white girl that he could find, then he started yelling all loud. I had to ask my dad to tell him to cut that shit out, of course he came over to me crying and shit. ..then got in his feelings and didn't want to talk to me the rest of the night. BFD, like I give a good gotdamn!

My other cousin got married some years ago, and his father in-law had to cough up another 5 GRAND because they drank up all the liquor at the reception because it was an open bar. We can't have a cash bar because; one it's rude and two our service only requires an open bar.

So, I came up with the idea of cocktail tickets; two drinks is all you get and after that straight soda and water. Then you get to participate in the champagne toast and carry your ass home!

Well, hopefully I won't have to put up with the chicanery! I'm thinking they'll forgo the class and go to my cousin's wedding and let me enjoy my day without the anxiety of them working my damn nerves.

I pray I won't have to deal with people bringing their kids when I pacifically (yes, someone used that in a sentence this morning!) said, "NO KIDS!". And I love kids, but not when they are coming because their parents are too damn lazy and cheap to pay for a meal. Running around all over the damn place, crying and tearing down shit.

My cousins enjoy not disciplining their kids, but love to say "NIQUE NIQUE STOP THAT" while they're smoking cigarettes and drinking Miller Lite!

I love my family to death, but on my day. . .you can go to my cousin's wedding and I won't be the least more offended or disappointed. I'll just fake like it and hope I get a present. Too bad I won't!

Not that I won't get a gift because they won't be able to make my wedding, but I won't get a gift because they are cheap as hell. They'll come eat up your food, drink all your alcohol but won't leave a damn gift at the table.

Well anyway cuzo. . .good luck with that!