Ladies IT'S SPRING!

This is my annual spring message to the ladies: PLEASE START PREPARING TO GET YOUR FEET AND NAILS DONE! While you're at it, shave down that forest around your chin and lips!

Now, I know I haven't shaved the legs regularly and the husband is complaining; but now it's Spring, so that means it's time to dust of the razor and start saving up for those mani's and pedi's.

I don't think I get the notice out in time, because I still see cuticles and nasty heels. Let me not mention the five o'clock shadows! I'm demanding that this year be the year that us ladies unite at the nail salon for waxing (EVERYTHING!), heel scraping and dirt cleaning from the nails and toes.

It's a must to try and keep up your maintenance from March to October, I'm not asking for a lot. However, if you decide to wear sandals, mules and the like; I do require that you get your feet done.

Please don't be at the club with a mustache and beard thicker than Santa Claus' trying to pick up a man (or woman. . both, I guess). You can get your mustache and beard waxed or tweezed, it's no excuse to look like your great uncle Cleophus who sits in the recliner smoking a pipe talking about the good ole days.

So, I leave you with this ladies: SHAVE, AND SHAVE AND SHAVE SOME MORE! Get those toes right, get those nails right. If you have more hammer time on your toes than a "Too Legit To Quit" video, please head quickly to your nearest podiatrist. It's okay to add extra nails on your hands, but NOT; I REPEAT not on your big toe!

This is my public service announcement to help out my fellow sisters. In the words of my home girl The Make Up Girl.

Stay Pretty!

There's A "I'm A Whore" Book out now!

Yes, I bullshit you not! We have a new slut in town and her name is Jody Babydol Gibson, and she's telling all! She's the role model for Superhead and Carmen Bryant; she's old, haggard and well. . .who's going to screw her now? She looks like, well. . .their wives!

What makes these women write books about the sexual exploits, and why are you all reading this garbage? They've gotten paid enough for laying on their backs, and now they want to write a book about it!

Are they using the books to uplift the young women in this country on HOW not to act? Nope, they are just lining their pockets by outing who they slept with. Why should the public care about who you screwed? Who do they think they are going to hurt? I hope they don't think I'm going to look at them like they are some hero or role model. Not in the least little bit!

These books are nothing but a get back move on the part of the slut who writes them. Carmen Bryant screwed Nas and Jay-Z (probably at the same time) and all she got out of it was a case of the clap and a daughter! Nas moved on and married, and Jay's with Beyonce and his son in the tropics chilling. So this broad gets mad and want to write a book.

Superhead couldn't give out more head if it was attached to someone else's body and the checks stop rolling in so she writes a book because she can't get paid the old fashion way. Now we have the oldest hoe in America writing a book because her germ infested ass is going to jail!

I'm thinking they tried extorting the men they went to bed with, "Pay me or else". Can I tell you sluts; current and in training, that it makes you look desperate. No one is reading that garbage unless you are into to those sister girl books (I'll blog about that later) or your life is meaningless.

I don't care who had sex with whom and I don't want to read about how you whored your way through life instead of earning it.

Girls Night On American Idol

If you are wondering why I'm not reviewing the boys night on American Idol, well the answer is simple; THEY SUCK HARDER THAN ANTONELLA AT A FRAT PARTY! Okay, that wasn't nice, but you get the point.

I'll be brief with the girls, I can't do the run down I did last week because of time. So here's the remix:

Gina Glocksen, not really a fan because of her arrogance so she can sing the theme to Sesame Street and I would boo her! The songs she picks isn't changing my mind either.

Alaina Alexander, I wouldn't be ready to make nice either if you sang to me that song! Leave it to the Dixie Chicks!

LaKisha Jones, she's on the Midnight Train to success. She can really sing, but I agree with Simon that outfit was too distracting. She can sing though!

Melinda Doolittle, I just love her. She's so down to earth and have talent, she's not like what Simon said, "Someone with no talent but have a big ego" (*cough* Gina *cough*) Melinda can sing and she's so humble too. She doesn't take anything for granted. Love that!

Antonella Barba, I liked it better when the reportedly had the dick in her mouth. That wasn't nice, but the only mic I want her to rock is of the male kind! PLEASE SEND HER HOME, but send me the dress that was so cute!

Jordin Sparks, she's so infectious and likeable. She got so emotional last night, she wasn't at her best but she was still good.

Stephanie Edwards, *sigh* I liked the dress, although it did look like a nightgown; however, she was WAYYYYY too Beyonce-ish last night. She was better last week, she has an excellent voice but she didn't sing the song last night. She'll stay around though.

Leslie Hunt, HATED IT! In the words of my home slice, Simon Cowell "What the holy hell was that?" That was absolutely horrific! The scatting at the end was just indescribable!

Haley Scarnato, she wasn't the Queen of the night except when she's swinging from the chandelier with her fiance. Her performance was much better than last week, but still horrible. She'll stay around to next week though.

Sabrina Sloan, I loved her performance last week better. When you sing Whitney, you can never measure up. Plenty have tried and they all have failed! Sabrina has a very good voice, so she has staying power.

Honey, I Blew Up The Kitchen!

The night before last, I wanted to make soup. I'm a good cook, beginning foodie if I must say so; my only food nemesis was soup, I was afraid of soup. I always wanted to make it! I tried one recipe but it stunk the house up something awful, to the point I was afraid to open the pot to throw it out.

So, I tried a new one; with a few additions it came out great. Getting to the end was a journey itself!

I always like to pre-heat my pots while I'm preparing the food because I don't like being ready to cook but the pots or pans are ice cold. So, while I was chopping the onions I turned the soup pot on to warm up. That was the point all hell broke loose.

I put the butter in the pot and it started to burn immediately, popping out the pan type burn. It got brown and then black in a half a second, so I tried to take it to the sink to run water under it but it was popping to bad for me to hold it.

I waited (so I thought) for it to cool a bit, when it stopped popping I poured cold water in it. AND OH MY GOODNESS! It started popping even more, it started splattering all over the place. The sounds were a cross of a tommy gun and butter lover's popcorn.

My oldest was jumping up and down screaming, "POPCORN!" "POPCORN!" "POPCORN!", my kitchen was a tee totalling mess! I had burned butter on everything! From the floor to the back of the stove and up to the cabinets!

I had to completely clean up the kitchen and start over! At least the soup came out right, even if I had to damn near blow up the kitchen to do it.