5 Things You Didn't Know About Me

(1) I love accessories! Earrings, necklaces, rings. . .you get the point, I love to have my accessories match my outfit. I don't care if I'm wearing a beat up t-shirt and sweatpants, I have the perfect pair of earrings for those.

(2) I am a car singer. I'll never be the next American Idol, unless they hold auditions in my car! I have days where I'll rap, I'm the next Jay-Z or I'm the next Mary J. Blige. I can do a mean ass "Not Go'n Cry". I can sing in the house when no one's home, then I'll have own concert going; complete with hair brush and I'll even fall on my knees. Yes, I know I need help!

(3) I need make up and clothes. I can't stop shopping sometimes! I have favorite stores in New York City that I go to. I get clothes for me, my boys, even for the fiancee; as long as I'm shopping I don't give a hell. I can't buy pieces, I have to buy whole outfits; of course they're interchangeable, but I can't just buy a top to match some pants I have at home. I have to buy the pants to match the top as well. My make up palette have to coordinate with what I wear, if my eyeshadow doesn't coordinate, I'll change my whole outfit.

(4) I have borderline OCD. I can't have a blue towel with a green washcloth, they have to match. My t-shirt that I sleep in have to match my draws, which have to match the bra I put on in the morning. I just re-arranged the cabinets so all the vegetarian bake beans can line up together, because the can of peas were in the middle. All the numbers have to be even, and all the colors have to be lined together. All my black slacks are lined together, and all the browns and so on. So what I'm dysfunctional.

(5) I have way too many nicknames. My country ass family have given me at least 6 nicknames that I can think of. Me and my cousin are in the same boat, which happens when you're the two oldest grand kids born in a family of moonshine drinking, tobacco chewing and spitting, shack living hicks like mine!

I WISH A MOTHERFU*KER WOULD pt 2!

******WARNING!******

I refuse to disclose the web address, please do not ask me for it because the answer will be no. You are free to Google and look it up yourself, I suggest you do that if you want to know what the site is.

I'm watching the news (see IWAMW pt 1) and there's a site for road rage drivers. If you cut someone off, they can write down your license plate number and put it on the internet for all the world to see. They can also send a message to you through that same site.

Now, call me crazy but I don't think this is at all safe. What if the person is a lunatic? What's stopping them from going to the DMV and getting your address? Did the person who created this site ever think about that?

Yes, road rage is a problem and it should be addressed; however so is Sunday driving during rush hour. If you are a regular rush hour driver and there's someone driving slow as all hell, yes they may get a horn or someone may go around them. Road rage is dangerous and I'm not and never will condone the types of road rage out there.

However, we do have drivers who insist on driving like they have no where to go. I don't give a hell who you are, if you're driving slow you will know it. I don't think this site is being responsible at all; how can the protect the public from being stalked?

You don't know who's in the car and you already run the risk of being assaulted while you're on the road, now you mean to tell me you have a chance of being stalked and killed?

With identity theft on the rise, I think this site is about the same as a myspace page for pedophiles.

I WISH A MOTHERFU*KER WOULD!

******WARNING******

I refuse to give out the web address to the sites I'm going to mention, because I don't want you getting shot, stabbed, poisoned or otherwise tortured because of me. Google and figure it out, don't ask me for nothing because you won't get it. I'm not going to be responsible.

Now, we got that out the way, I can continue. I was in Canada with the Mr. on vacay a couple of years ago, and I meant to blog about it but it just slipped my mind until I was listening to the news last night.

I saw a commercial in Canada for a website that will allow you to meet married men or women and hook up with them discreetly. Yes, you read correctly. You can set up a profile on their site and meet other married or involved men or women, and no this is not a swingers site. This site will allow you to cheat on your spouse with help from the internet.

I'm only assuming that with other "match" sites, they can weed out the married or committed couples and kick them off. This site has decided to "match" married or involved couples with other married or involved couples.

Well, listening to the news last night, I heard of another site. This site will set up an alibi for you, if you're cheating on your spouse or significant other. If you are lying to say you're going on a business trip, they will provide phony airline tickets, hotel bills, etc. Yes, again your read correctly.

This woman (who was not identified of course) told her husband she was going to Chicago for a business trip, instead she ended up somewhere else. This site provided her with a phony hotel number that will ring to her "hotel room" in Chicago, she got phony plane tickets and even business meeting information to bring home to her husband.

My question is: WHO IN THE HELL THINKS OF THIS SHIT?

I wish a motherfu*ker would try some shit like this! He would be all kinds of dead, you heard me correctly D-E-A-D! As a doorknob, as James Brown with no grave! DEAD!

What happens if they get caught? This can only last for so much, will these sites prevent your impending ass whooping?

I've met my share of grimy married men, either they pretend they're not married or they don't care to disclose that little fact; but to put that on the internet is just ignorant.

While I'm not shocked at internet contents anymore, I'm still amazed that people don't realize they are going to get caught. You can use these sites all you want, but human error will get you all the time.

This just causes people to do more checking, instead of reading receipts, start calling places. If you have to act extra pressed, then so be it.

My blood pressure went up three points, please don't try it!

A NEW DAY HAS BEGUN!

Yes, indeed Jack's back! A new day started on Sunday and Monday with two two hour season openers, and I'm hooked as usual. This season Jack is back from the Chinese camp he was sent to at the end of last season for killing a bunch of folk at the Chinese embassy; he was sent back as a bargaining tool for the terriost Fayed.

Jack tortured Fayed's brother to death and his brother wants revenge, he'll give the government the location of the person responsible for bombing several US cities and causing countless numbers of deaths; however, he must get Jack so he can kill him.

Well, he does get Jack and is all set to torture him. He tells Jack that the government has been had, and that he's the real terrorist. The man he's setting up wants to end terrorism and wants to have peace talks with the US. Well, Jack won't die for nothing especially after being tortured by the Chinese.

Jack decides he needs to escape and help the government, so he kills one of the men holding him hostage and escapes. I just love this show as you can tell, and I swear this is the best show on television.

They killed Curtis! JACK KILLED CURTIS, so now I'm in mourning. Hush Avin, he was the for real boyfriend I would dump everyone for! Now when I watch the show I can't say, "HAYYYYY CURTIS". I can't console his *ahem* soul, when he's upset! This is a sad day in television, shooting JR can't compare to this!

I'll pour out henny, or water before the show comes on. Anywho boo, I really do love 24. I don't know why, but I can't get into the other shows; I'm starting to turn into a dark show watcher, shows that no one else watches. House, 24 and all 800 Law and Orders; shows that have dark humor or just plain violent.

Not that I'm going to shoot a terrorist or save a life with my special brand of wit and humor, but I can't watch these new sitcoms. They're just not funny to me.

Anyway, I'll post reviews of 24 when I get a chance. It's a beautiful new day in Los Angeles, I love it when they just randomly blow up downtown LA. . .movie stars are flying all over the place!

Just bring back Curtis!

Please don't think I'm dumb!

I'm back on my wedding grind, I have six months to go before I have to finalize everything before my big day in August; and I guess it's "be nice to Dia, so I can get invited" time.

Last night, I'm talking to Daddy about his suit; Avin, I broke down and decided to have him walk me halfway down the aisle. I'll update my page on the website in a few minutes, I hate it when she's right.

Anywho, we're chit chatting shooting the breeze talking wedding talk and my cock eyed cousin wanted to talk to me. Now, we're the same age about three days apart; she has four daughters to my two boys. She had her twins a month before I had David and I believe the last time we had a decent conversation was when she was on baby number three. That was years ago, and so when she wanted to talk I took it for what it was. Bullshit.

Did I mention she called my grandmother (her aunt) the devil? Oh, yes she did ladies and gentlemen. She waited until my grandmother was alone and started cussing her out and calling her all kinds of names, now nana could have sent her to ICU quickly but she took the lady route and told her granddaughters! All hell broke loose quickly.

She started talking all that "yeah give me a call sometimes, we're cousins you know?" I kindly reminded her that she should never talk to me, if she know what's good for her.

"Do you really think I'm stupid? You expect me to call you because 'we're cousins'? You didn't think about that shit when you cussed my grandmother out like you lost your entire mind? So, do you think that I'm going to call you to shoot the breeze and bullshit? Are you really trying to get an invitation that hard? I will not feed you or your grimy, disrepectful ass kids on my dime. Keep your ass in Palmer Park and catch you on the flip side. Put Daddy on the phone!"

I mean seriously, if you have to work for an invite; you know that you don't deserve one. I've heard of this and even made the joke about how many friends am I going to get now just so they can go to the wedding. I'm no Princess Diana or some celebrity so I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but seriously don't think I'm stupid.

She hasn't talked to me in years, we've said "hi" and "bye" to each other, and as much as I go over my great-grandmothers house, why not try to be all chummy then? I don't like coincidences at all, and this one just sent off all kinds of red flags.

I'm wondering whatelse is going to happen in the next six months?

NutriSystem Commercial

"Wow, I can't believe it! I'm a size two!" Every time I hear that, I instantly turn the tv to another channel; I don't care what the channel is, I just don't want to hear that commercial. I think NutriSystem is the most flawed diet program outside of sticking your finger down your throat.

You spend money on buying food, but you're not taught how to eat responsibly. Now, if you're a NutriSystem junkie, please feel free to set the record straight. I don't hear how and I've been on the website, not once do I hear or see anything about responsible eating. What do you do if you go off NutriSystem? Is it set up to make you dependable on them to make sure you lose the weight?

You're spending three hundred dollars or more for a month worth of food, all your meals are planned; breakfast, lunch and dinner. You get desert as well. All frozen, even desert. The last time I checked; reheated eggs don't taste too well. What are you being taught on the program? Can you ween yourself off the program and learn to cook on your own?

Why not do the sensible stuff, more fruits and veggies; cut out all the unnecessary carbs, drink more water and eat smaller portions. Why spend hundreds of dollars to do that?

Why are you so damn lazy, but are willing to have someone do it for you? You can get a maid for that much and have her make your food for you. If you knew how to grocery shop, you wouldn't need NutriSystem. They're only sending you what you can get with a coupon and a bonus card, but just too damn lazy to take the time to find what you need that's healthy.

I'm tired of this huzzy telling me she's a size two because she got comped by the company to promote their product. I'll eat it to if it's free, send me three hundred dollars worth of free food and I'll eat until the end of time.

I think that NutriSystem is a flawed system and not worth the money.

If You Wear a lot of Perfume/Cologne, Please See Your Doctor

We have this temp that I'm close to cussing out, now she's not my temp but she's in the accounting department which is next door to me. They ran out of room to put temps (even though they have a spare room) and they stick this broad in my area.

Now, I've had run ins with her trying to get into my business; she's the type that if you're talking to someone else that you know and have a report with will jump in UN-ASKED with a response. That type, she's asked me questions like "Where you going for lunch?" like I know her like that. She got mad when I said "Who are you?" Must I remind her that she's a fucking temp? When you holla when you speak remember you don't know me!

I think they waited until I went home sick yesterday to move her stanking ass over to our WORK SPACE; not meant as a permanent work area. If we are doing a big job, use the back desk, that's what it's designed for; don't send Dayshanaira back there with her Ode de Funkette sitting behind me.

She funked the place up so bad my co-worker got nauseous. When she comes to work with "Good morning, I hear there's a problem with my perfume" I was about to fire her up until my co-worker say "Dia, umm can you go and check for faxes please."

I get back to my desk and she ask me if I'm still stick; I'm sounding like I'm rapping Juicy, so I say, "Yes, sick or no sick I'm sensitive to strong smells. I can smell what someone's had for lunch down to the pepper. So strong perfume won't cut it here" You know she had the audacity to respond with "Aww, that's so unfortunate!"

Woooo she got lit into something terribly. I don't understand why people insist on dousing themselves in their perfume or cologne. Why does she need to re-perfume herself when she goes to the bathroom? WHO RE-PERFUME themselves? I've never heard of such a thing until today.

What is so wrong with taking yourself to the doctor? I know some folk have strong body odor, but you've been living with for umpteen years and the only solution is to re-perfume yourself every three hours?

We won't even talk about going into the bathroom after someone woman with a clear booty problem just left; some 'cilin will clear that up for anyone if they just make a doctors appointment. BITCH YOU STINK!

You don't know how many times I've called for a janitor to come clean the bathroom. I work with some trifling asses and they see nothing wrong with it. "Let me just put some spray on it, or let me perfume myself no one will know." Yeah right you funky ass heifer, I know you got something!

Hopefully they will move her, because I would really hate to make her life a living nightmare; but if she tests me one more time, it'll be unfortunate.

JUSTIN MIGHT BE MINE!

Rumor has it that JT and Cameron broke up, so he might be back on the market. Let me get my dress and heels ready so I can meet Mr. Homelessville! I was wondering if they would get married or if he would realize that he needs to move on.

Cameron's a nice young lady, but I'm better! Okay so I'm delusional, but hey; so what!

Apparently she spent Christmas with her family and he spent Christmas with his family, now this is all reported by Spin or Star magazine; so If you believe this, I have a stable in Brooklyn to sell you dirt cheap.

Okay back to regular news.

Happy New Year

I hope everyone had a happy and safe new years celebration, I watched the mister get drunk out his skull which annoyed the hell out of me. Not that he got drunk, but I had to drive him home and listen to him earl in the bathroon; I guess that's what they call love. I call it a pain in the ass!

I'm back on the No White Stuff with Avin and the gang, and I'm dying a slow and painful food death. I'm going to make it, just miss my food! Well not all of it, just the important stuff like, umm CHOCOLATE!

I have a question, that I'm sure has never dawned on anyone yet. Why do people ask me if I had a good new year? Why not ask me if I had a good New Year's celebration? My new year is only three days old, and so it's hard to determine if it's good or not yet. I had a wonderful time celebrating the new year. Anywho, that was my "things that make you go humm" moment.

I don't like to do resolutions for the new year, they never last for more than a day; and they are always stupid. "I promise not to cuss so much" well that's a lie, because I usually forget and start cussing someone out on Jan 1st. Me and resolutions never work out too well.

This is one is a short one today, I might post again later. Actually, I don't really feel like typing too much right now. Get at your later!